Insomnia

My second post.

-Insomnia-

 

You have made it.
You’ve just made your self invincible.
The fact that you own this heart of mine
Rendered me vulnerable:
Frozen with a smile,
Dead with your goodbye,
Crazy

In a way that I almost wanted.

 

And here I am,
A soul stuck in a sleepless state,
Writing poems just to forget
What they really were about:
For longing yet again is not allowed,
‘Cause you got your eyes fixed
In an opposite direction,
That I can hardly see your face,
Your eyes,
Your smile.

 

But let me wait,
At least.
So that I
May be able to understand
Why...

Why of all the constellations to choose from
I chose the farthest:

The one--most difficult to reach,

 

Then slowly,
Just maybe,
I’ll forget the glow...

...that you possess.

 

Author's Note

comments very much appreciated.
my second post.

Reviews

[Helen Crutchett]

Wow! Great work my friend! I was mesmerised from beginning to end....the emotions flowed so beautifully throughout this. I felt the sadness of the loss of love....the confusion trying to come to terms with it. Some truly lovely stanza's from your pen. One awesome poem! Keep writing, don't stop!

[Onyx_Rayne]

"Why of all the constellations to choose from
I chose the farthest:
The one--
Most difficult to reach,"

If something is worth having, it won't come easily.

Your words are beautiful, and filled with longing and love.

The flow of this peace was seamless and I really enjoyed reading it - Thank you for sharing :)

[Joanna Maharis]

This is a very deep and expressive piece. It's also thought provoking. Very nicely written.

[Randolf Ramos]

This poem conveys deep emotion that the author had to say, i think the girl is very much loved that the author will do all what he could in the name of love even letting go and waiting for the right time to come that he will own the girl again and have her heart...

[maddie marshall]

Nice:)
it held a great flow and i really like it
the part
"Why of all the constellations to choose from I choose the farthest: The one Most difficult to reach,"
was really good, keep up the good work
and thank you for the review on my poem:)

[Jillian Alexis]

i like this one a lot!
"why of all th constellations to choose from
I chose the farthest:
the one--
most difficult to reach,"
i loove that. i think a lot of people can relate to this poem..i know i can!
great work :)

[Dinesh Sairam]

Welcome to the league, chido. Since this is only your second post, I'll go easy on you :P (Lol, just kidding, this is great). Before going into reviews, let me quote my favorite lines :

"And here I am,
A soul stuck in a sleepless state,
Writing poems just to forget
What they really were about"

That just blew at me very strongly. I too write poem late at night. Night carries some magic in the air that creates candid imaginations in me.

The first thing I found disturbing was the last three stanzas. Not about the meaning, but since the first contain certain amount of words, the last three contain less. I suggest you see to that and add more words to make even (I'd say short poems are always better than long ones. So, it'd be great if you could crop out words from the first two).

I was trying to find out in vain what the form was. I probably guess it's not in a form, lol. But you should really cast it into some form or the other (I usually recommend forms, but I can't recommend you one.. I'm so confused over a choice). Better see for yourself :

http://thewordshop.tripod.com/forms.html (These are the most common and often handled forms. There are much more than this)

The 'essence' of the poem is verily felt, soothing in a kind of way. I've reviewing quite some breathtaking poems today and this is one :)

Kudos mate, keep writing.

[Jessica]

My favorite was the last lines.

Then slowly,
Just maybe,
I'll forget the glow...
...that you possess.

Very emotional and beautiful words. Great write :)

[Tina Kline]

This is beautiful and very romantic. Love the strong emotion behind the words. You did a wonderful job on this. I really enjoyed reading it.

[Katie Louise Hughes]

This was a fantastic write, clearly written with much emotion. The ending was great- "I'll forget the glow that you possess." I enjoyed every line. Thanks for sharing and keep up the writing! :)

[Natalie]

I really love this poem. One of my favs. I especially love the last stanza. That's some pretty deep stuff. haha