I hope you read this and come back to me

Memories

The light peeks through the blinds and I awake from my slumber and look into your icy blue eyes. “Were you watching me sleep?” I laugh to him. “Maybe. You took advantage of me again last night.” He teases. “ I did didn’t I? Well do you regret it?” “Absolutely not. Jay, you’re the only one in my life who cares about me. I’m scared of losing you.”

�" I snap back to reality and stare at these four walls again. I can’t sleep. It’s been 5 years and I’m still going back in my mind remembering all the times you said you cared about me. With tears in my eyes I am quietly begging you to come back to me. I lay awake every night thinking of you. You’re tatted chest. Your tossled hair. The way you smell of coffee and cigarettes. Everything about you is perfect to me. I will never understand why you left me when you promised you would be there for me for the rest of my life. I don’t think I can ever love another like I loved you and that really scares me that I need you in my life. Living a life without you is like living in a world with no air. Gasping for breath every time I think of you.
5 years. It’s been 5 whole years. Everyone around me tells me “oh, don’t worry it gets easier.” “Time will pass and you will forget all about him!” Lies. They’re all lies. It doesn’t get easier, it gets harder with each day that passes.
Months ago I saw you walking down the road in Worcester. My heart stopped. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted so bad to run up to and scream. Why did you leave me like you did? Were you happy when you up and left to Seattle for a girl who doesn’t give a s**t about you? Was it worth it to leave someone who would’ve loved you and cared for you no matter what? Do you regret it? Do you regret me? But I’ll never know. All I will know is the pain you left me with...
I close my eyes and I can remember your raspy voice singing,
“Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
Keep on loving. Keep on fighting
And hold on, hold on
Hold on for your life”
There are tears in my eyes just thinking about us screaming it at the top of our lungs driving with no destination into the night.
I honestly hated those long drives listening to your punk folk music but now I would give anything to be with you in your car again.
There was this one day that really stood out to me. You came to my house while my whole family was home and you were telling my mother about our trip to Canada together. She really was fond of you. Then after you convinced her about it we went to my room. You were scrolling through my iTunes library and put on “under the bridge” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. You closed your eyes and soaked in the mellow music. I remember us just lying there tangled up together listening to music and laughing, joking around, playing. I think about that day all the time.


You may have left me but you will always be on my mind. I will never forget our summer love. There will always be a place for you in my heart if you ever find your way back to me. I’m hoping you do. I’m hoping...