Guilty Conscience

5/21/15

I have red fingers

Soiled with the blood

Of my victims

Some purposeful

Most not

Step into my life

And soon a target will sit

On your back

A bullet in my left hand

A gun in my right.

Come the first fight

I load the sun

And spin the barrel

Pulling the trigger

Eyes closed for I'm afraid

To see the aftermath.

Perhaps tat first time

The bullet won't fly

But next time?

I have red words

Soiled with the blood

I sacrifice

For ink

For sentences

That write themselves just right

But oftentimes the words come out

In just the wrong way

So that long-standing friendships

Buckle under their weight

And collapse in a matter of adjectives

Where I'm standing in the rubble

All alone

Armed with a sharp tongue

But not a silver one

Left with no chance to rebuild 

So Ill have to move on

I'll regret what I did, surely

But my words make me strong

I  have a red heart

Beating somewhere beneath

My left breast

It cries to be nourished

Though those that try to

Always end up empty

Somehow I can't even take the right way.

I wonder if I was meant 

Solely to break people down

Though I feel their pain

There is nothing I can do

To stop myself

Our hearts bleed the same way

But mine is healed

By inflicting pain

And receiving it tenfold

I know it ought to make you question

Just what happened to me

To end up

Always hurting you.