Sex Toy

4/27/15

I feel your arms

Around my neck

Like a lifeless hanging noose

My body covered

In a nervous sweat

As I am enveloped by you

I would scream 

If I were able

But my jaw is clenching shut

I'm terrified of testing you

And it's clear to me you know that

So I close my eyes

Hold my breath

And hope the covers hold my hands

Your're going in, ripping flesh

Ready to command

I wonder if when you said you loved me

It was ever true

For if you'd loved me a little longer

I would have willingly given myself to you

But take what you want

Whenever you feel the need

Even when the things you want

End up hurting me

Here I am in your wake

Existing only to accept

What you force me to take

I'm a "roadside waste"

...Or so you say

But I thought I was a treasure

Meant to be unlocked

With trust and time

Go ahead and touch me, "baby," 

I promise not to cry out

And if you didn't want to hold me in the cold

You should have said so

If your hands were not for heating

But for bruising

I suppose I know my place now...

It's at your feet

Ready for using.

You knew when you met me

That I am not a virgin

But I've never made love

That if you wanted me

You'd have to wait outside the door

Instead of barging in

To reach this girl you call "w***e"

You knew I was fragile

That I've been hurt

So many times

That I've been battling my beasts

And slowly losing my mind

You've seen me weak like so few have before

So I wonder if why you raped me

Is because I should have loved you more

My self worth is left in tatters

My self harming past is crawling back

And I'm just left here thinking

Of how you left me crying on the floor

Because, I guess,

I don't even matter anymore

Reviews

[Mick Burke]

A powerful poem. Expresses the self loathing and helplessness felt by abused people brilliantly.