Dear Ursula

~~~5/20/14

Dear Ursula
On June 25, 2012
Disney released a new "model" version of you,
One with waist cinched,
Bust shapely and frame dainty
Like all the little princesses
In this vast franchise.

Ursula they grabbed your figure
And squeezed,
Crushing you into
A tight size zero figure
But Ursula,
Dear Ursula,
You were never meant to shrink
Down to share
A princesses slender outline.

Ursula you were not meant 
To prance around in a snug Disney uniform
Provided by the society the princesses created
Because you were never meant to be a princess at all,
As you were already a queen.

Ursula you made back fat look f*****g sexy
As your large and in charge
Personality sashayed throughout
Your underwater witches cavern...
Ursula the redness of your
Thick lips were supposed to open
To a booming voice
And dominate...
Ursula the fat rolls 
Of your multiple chins
Were always supposed 
To shut the little princesses up
And take us children aback,
Ursula your insatiable laughter
Was meant
To ring out through the TV
And into my ears.

And I know you knew, Ursula,
I'd bet your temper raged
As Disney proposed the preposterous idea,
I bet you flipped them onto their backs
And tore out their breakable hearts
(Because clearly they didn't need them anyway)
I bet you gobbled up their greedy souls
Like last nights dinner
And spit them out at the disgusting tingle
That was their bitter aftertaste.

But then, Ursula,
I know all you really did was cry.
I know you hid your face in shame
As they broke the news.
I know you reached out a finger
To scoop a little bit of frosting
Off the top of the cupcake before you,
Sitting on prim and proper white porcelain
As they fed you cruelty 
Through the same gross tea
They watched you sip,
Only there to swallow the lump in your throat
And hide your pained sniffles.

But dearest Ursula
You forget you are ferocious!
Trying to cut you down into bite sized pieces
Was their big mistake
Because you were hard to swallow
For a reason.
Dearest Ursula
You were never meant to be
A tiny, fragile, f*****g portable princess
Because you were already made to be a queen
THE queen
Ursula you were made to be 
A force to be reckoned with
And Ursula let me applaud you
For being the only Disney character
That could never manage to occupy
A fragile little role like Disney princess

Ursula!
I pity the poor, unfortunate souls
That ever thought you could
Squeeze into the cookie-cutter outline
That the shallow princesses always have been
Because they thought your evil
Was more important to preserve 
Than the body that held it,
God d****t Ursula,
The massive, fat swagger in your step
Was always hard to swallow
For a reason.

Author's Note

The captcha for this was reasoner, I thought that was cute.