Alone To Rot

This is Me.

Once in a small apartment with brown walls

She opened her heart to a home

And she simply smiled and laughed

Because she could not speak

And that was how she felt.

And her parents gave her warm hugs

And wet kisses

And paraded her around the neighborhood

With pride in their eyes

That was when she and her father 

Fed the geese

And ran when they were chased away

And the garden was a jungle

With large cats and strange plants

And her parents loved each other

And the people she met liked her

And sent their kids to play

And her parents watched proudly from a distance

And her daddy was always there to scare the monsters at night

And always did.

Once in a home with white walls

She opened her heart again

And she smiled and nodded

Because she had no words

And that was polite.

And her mom gave her warm hugs

But no kisses

And walked down the block with her

Because that was her job.

That was when she and her father

Saw each other once a week

And ate stale cheese balls

And there was only a small garden

With small plants and no animals

And her parents were angry with each other

And the people she met muttered greetings

And told their children not to stare

And her mom left her grandparents to watch her

And her daddy didn't scare away the monsters

Because he wasn't there.

Once in a prison with a sterile ceiling and dirty walls

She locked her heart away

And she put on a mask and facade

And spoke kind words

Because that was courteous

And she didn't let her madre give her hugs

And definitely no kisses

And she stayed in her room

Because she had nowhere else to go

That was when she and her father

Rarely ever spoke

And only for short periods of time

And to her the garden was a graveyard

Where put to rest was her imagination

And her parents argued over money

And the people she met hated her and didn't understand

And no one stood up for her when she was bullied

And her grandparents and madre let her be

And her daddy didn't scare away the monsters

Because the monsters were already in her

That's why on a small old computer

She opened her heart to strangers

And didn't try to hide her feelings

Because she had so many words

And this was what she needed

And she wanted to stop feeling sad

And turn off her dark mind

And she wrote it in her dark bedroom

Because she didn't think

Anyone would care.

Reviews

[Porter]

Wow. I feel like I just read someone's life in just a couple minutes. I had this shrinking feeling as I read, which was probably the feeling you were trying to display in this. In the beginning, the world provided the imagination, but as she grew older, we can slowly see the withdrawal into the her mind. Excellent work, my friend.

[Riley Bray]

Thank you, really. :)

[Karen]

Wow, Riley. This is a powerful poem that captured my attention from the first line to the last! It encompasses a lifetime of pent-up feelings, experiences, and ultimate outwardly repression. But the beauty of writing is that it lets it all out - the good, the bad, and the ugly - and lets poets express these pent-up feelings and experiences, and diminishes the awkwardness of telling a friend, or the stigma of sharing with a therapist (none of which are negative, by the way). Beautiful poem! Thank you for writing and sharing it with us!

[Riley Bray]

Thank you so much!!!! You're right that I use this as an emotional release. :) My friends and I are that the age that we have a lot of issues but I don't really want to force mine on them and I personally hate therapists, so I do tend to do this in front of strangers. :P Thank you very much for the review, its definitely appreciated!

[Karen]

I too tend to share with strangers I may never meet and who may be more empathetic and relate better to my writing and my experience than a therapist (though I see her too... hehe). There's an immediate connection when someone else can relate to my experience but also commend me for my writing; when I can express something poetically that may not reveal everything but enough for others to infer and to encourage me to continue writing but also to continue in my struggle. Hence, here, I do the same for you ;)

[Riley Bray]

Thank you very much! You really do understand. X)

[Rita L. Sev]

A deeply intense piece. I feel like this was a cathartic write for you. You clearly wrote from within, and did so very well.

[Riley Bray]

I suppose it was. Thanks Rita. :)

[UseMeAbuseMeCureMe]

It shows how divorce ruins childhood. Very moving(:

[Riley Bray]

Thank you. :)

[Sami Khalil]

A long poem but good...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Riley Bray]

Thanks. :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Tai Ryens]

If I hadn't contracted the knowledge this is probably a venting poem (one can learn a lot about a person through their poetry) I would have saw this as the timelapse of an adopted child living life alone, turning into a killer, then being let out on probation using a computer to express her sociopathic thoughts.
But alas, I do acknowledge this as a personal poem, and I commend you for having the skill to express yourself so poignantly.

[Riley Bray]

I'm always interesting by how you see things, Tai. It truly excites me. :) It true though, that this makes me sound rather like a murderer. Those cell bars I mentioned didn't mean I was in jail, but felt like it, just to clarify. :P Still to young to really do much damage, you know? Still interesting, though, that it sounds like that. I wonder what that really says about me, haha. :P Thanks again Tai.