Sterile

Who needs it?

Sterile

I hate that word.

Hate the smell of

Sterile.

It brings with it

Needles,

And suffocating white walls

That are meant to paralyze you with anxiety.

And I don't know about you,

But I just want to plunge my hand

Deep into the cushion on that sterile bed

In that sterile room in the sterile hallway, because its driving me crazy.

Its worse than an extreme aversion

Of which I have yet to orientate,

Its a key to drive me to madness

One of which no diversion can draw me from.

Sterile,

I hate that word,

I hate that smell, 

I hate sterile.

Reviews

[EFB]

Hi Riley, I enjoyed your poem Sterile. I get a sense of the visceral repulsion of the sterile environment you're describing. And I certainly relate to that feeling in hospitals and elsewhere.

I like the way you end it. It's strong and I think if you were to take another look at the piece, that ending is a great place to go even harder. That would be my thinking overall as well, that you have chosen powerful, potent subject matter and that perhaps you could push this a bit deeper. I think the potential is there. I see you use the word 'hate' quite a bit and perhaps repeating that slightly dampens its impact.

I liked the details that you went into in the second stanza, the things that are touchstones for this sensation of paralyzing anxiety. Good job there. The fourth stanza has some slightly clunky language that might work better with revision. Again, lots of potential here, and it's a powerful choice of subject and I commend you for writing and sharing this.

I wrote a poem on a related topic and used lots of little details to try to communicate my ideas. I'm not sure it's successful but you can view it here if you wish: http://ewrote.blogspot.ca/2013/03/in-cheerless-rooms.html

Cheers for now and keep writing!

[Riley Bray]

I'll definitely take your criticism to heart, thanks. I'm glad you took the time to review this poem since it is far from my best work and I had written this in a total of ten minutes. Again, thank you very much!

By the way, I'll check that poem out when I have a little more free time. :)

[EFB]

You are very welcome Riley. :)