Prologue

The first chapter to the first book written on this site.

Raven Girl

 

Up, on a hilltop

Up, on a hilltop high.

Lies, a little girl

With crying open eyes.

Up, on a hilltop

Up, on a hilltop high

Lies, a little girl

Lest fate choose to decide.

 

                She was the girl shrouded in shadows, had been from the beginning. Always she sat atop the hilltop, whether it be blanketed in frost or dotted with scattered patches of yellow grass, staring out across the badlands before her and past the cliff’s overhang that dipped into the greasy, icy water stained black and red with the sadness of lost and long dead souls. She was born to this world, her body molded from the pale desert earth, her hair constructed of the soft breast feathers of a raven, her eyes of coal, and emotions of stone. She rose up from the waters which had brushed the ingredients of her together, caressing and comforting her in the gloom of bereft Eidolon's, and hidden from the purity and ether of the moon.  And although the girl’s body was new, her soul was not.

Reviews

[Just a reviewer.]

I can see that a girl is sad, drowning into her own emotion with a physical and mental in it too. You can feel it as you read the story, it draws you in and wanting to do something about it, but really, you are just a bystander. The emotion is strong in this one.

The story says that she's outside, crying on a hill, but if you see it any other way, it could be seen as her just crying in her own world. The icy water and the pale, yellow dead grass reflects her of what she feels and probably her past experience too. The story may not tell you what has happened, but the description of what she's showing IS a story none-the-less.

The most strongest and dominant trait is that prologue is the environment around her. Scattered patches of yellow grass, the land she's on, and the icy water. As said before, this probably reflects her of what she feels and think. Is her mind always this gloomy?

Ah, the contrast of this prologue... Hidden from the purity and ether of the moon. It is to be expected when you're feeling sad or when you had sealed yourself for too long from something that could had saved you from something you used to want to leave behind. It is a hard feeling to leave, and it kinda hurts when trying to. You feel like you're about to leave something that was part of you.

Though, this kind of thing is normal in this world, as not many can find nor achieve happiness that easily.

Her body may have been restored, but her soul wasn't. With those last sentence alone, that can spark a story. Now I see why you're making another chapter of this story you're making. Doing this, they will get really interested.

This story really holds a lot of "Sorrow and Solitude"

I truly love the prologue, even though I have not seen much of your story yet.
Your grammar is fantastic, as always.
Details were amazing.
The story is able to touch many hearts.
So I will give you....

*Drum roll*
*Gives rating*

[Felicity's Eve]

This is quite intriguing and I love the descriptions. Very mystical, detailed and you had that abstract, mysterious aura to it that left me wanting more.

I will definitely be watching for more of this book. Can't wait to see where your imagination takes you. :)

[Riley Bray]

Thank you. :) I'm more than a little perturbed by the fact I haven't even started writing the next chapter due to my busy schedule, but I'm expecting to be starting and finishing it soon, so its great to see it is still probing interest!

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[.]

Right, I have a huge feelings this is going to be one hell of an amazing story, so count me in, I'm reading this! I loved the poem and how you introduced the girl, keep up, I'll be reading this! 100/100

[SeismicTurtle]

First of all, I like the poem at the beginning.

The only thing I'd say is that the second sentence of the main paragraph is very long. When your reader first starts one of your works its very important you ease them into things with a nice flow. I do think that your word choices are true to your idea which is refreshing.

Also the description of her "emotions of stone" is good but in my opinion I I'd scratch that and let the reader come to that conclusion.

This is very good though. Nice job saying a lot in such few words.

[Riley Bray]

Alright I'll think that through. Thank you for the honest review! X3

[Acucena G.]

beautifully done, wow

[Riley Bray]

Thank you! :3

[Acucena G.]

You are welcome

[She With Eyes Like Unsh..]

I really like this prologue, your choice of descriptive words enhances the mystery. I cannot wait for the first chapter to come out!

[Riley Bray]

Im happy you readers are so happy!

[Horizon K.]

Very intriguing, this world stained with dead souls and this girl of stone and feathers and constructed from some old soul. I'm so curious to see what sort of story this raven girl is about to embark on, and what kind of world this will be...

I like the poem opener & the writing is mystically descriptive. Great job!

[Riley Bray]

Thanks! I'm glad it's interesting you!