Irregular Heartbeat

True story

Bum. Bum. Bum-bum. Bum-bum.

Irregular heartbeat

For an irregular girl...

Me, always me.

So many impossibilities

That I'm forced to ignore each day,

Bringing with it, humility.

What do you think its like,

To go up one flight of stairs,

And be as winded as most would be on a mountain hike?

Hard to cover up,

And dream shattering, admittedly,

I used to run everyday, but the end of that was abrupt.

I can't run pacer anymore

Without being the first to take the bench

Heart painfully pounding erratically and my eyesight a blur.

"You pushed yourself to hard,"

They say, "Next time you're sitting out,"

But I really just want to be recognized as a teenager without handicap bars.

For so many years my heart would pang randomly in my chest,

And for a few moments 

I found it increasingly hard to take a breath.

Panting so that I could get air,

Even in the doctor's office,

Where for the longest time they were completely unaware.

What do you think its like, 

to bend down and have your back lock up,

Where you can't stand up due to the imaginary spike?

And your heart beats painfully,

Because you're scared this time you won't get back up straight

And so you struggle with yourself hastily.

I knew, I always knew

From the moment all this picked up,

There was nothing left I had to do.

I realized I grew up too fast already,

When I turned six my soul was sixteen,

And now I couldn't change that because my heartbeat was unsteady.

Irregular heartbeat

For an irregular girl...

Me, always me.

So many impossibilities

That I'm forced to ignore each day,

Bringing with it, humility.

Is it too much to ask for me to just be a regular teenage girl?

Live your life,

Please, for me,

Before you realize it was all for naught.

Bum. Bum. Bum-bum. Bum-bum.

Author's Note

I really do have an irregular heartbeat, and so for those of you with something similar...I know how you feel.

Reviews

[Zoe Marie Ross]

This poem is full of emotions. I can feel the sadness in your writing. Its well written and flows brilliantly. :)

[Riley Bray]

Thank you very much!

[CreativeStroke]

My little sister has heart issues as well. She was born with a hole in her heart and they have to monitor it. So, I understand to some degree what you are going through.

The struture of this piece was well done in my opinion and you really showed the emotion portraying to your struggles with your irregular heartbeat.
Very creative piece! Thank you for sharing with all of us.

[Riley Bray]

Your sister must be strong. :) Thank you for the review!

[CreativeStroke]

She is strong and you are welcome!

[Just Kim]

Touching and amazing!

[Riley Bray]

Thanks Tabby!

[Astro]

I'll tell you what? That was a wonderfully, generous and touching read. I think you should know that we are all handicapped in one way or another. Just don't let yourself be defined by your handicap, for the few things our handicaps forbid us, or give us difficulty with, there are a myriad of other things in life to excel in or, enjoy.

[Riley Bray]

I suppose that's true, not that it changes much on how I feel about it haha. Thank you for reviewing!

[Delaney]

Anyone who reads this, is hit with an immediate wave of remorse and sadness. It felt almost shameful to read it, because there is no way of assistance. Truly a sad, but touching piece. Nice work.

Yours truly, Delaney

[Riley Bray]

Thanks Delaney, glad it affected you. :)

[quinfinn]

well, i feel you here, i have asbestosis and a mild arrhythmia so , double down on that for me. cleverly written is this and full of bleak and tender sadness. i felt it to my inner being. well done.

[Riley Bray]

I would say I'm sorry for your imperfections, but if you're anything like me I'm going to assume that sorry is not what you want. I know what arrhythmia is, but what is asbestosis? Thank you for the review.

[quinfinn]

second stage lung cancer, my dear.... a little fiber which gets in your lungs and never goes away until it literally chokes you to death....and you're right, i don't want to hear "sorry" i am fine with my lot in life...

[Riley Bray]

I see, I'm glad you're happy, that's what matters, right? I am happy too.

[quinfinn]

yes, my sweet, that's what matters.....

[Savior of Time]

Wow. This was really well-written. I'm sorry about your irregular heartbeat. I, personally, don't have it so I can't imagine what it's like. Your poem opened up my eyes to this concept. Thank you. Amazing.

-Willa

[Riley Bray]

Thank you very much. :) Its no easy life, like I can't do anything even remotely physical for more than a few minutes before needing to sit down. I miss when I was younger and it didn't flare up so often. Thank you for rating and reviewing. :)

[Savior of Time]

You're welcome :) I can't run a mile anymore, sadly, so I sort of know what it's like :P

read moreYou're welcome :) I can't run a mile anymore, sadly, so I sort of know what it's like :P

-Willa

[Riley Bray]

Haha. When I was younger I used to run two miles before school and two miles after school, but now I'm ten laps under the healthy fitness zone at all times. :

[Savior of Time]

I couldn't ever do that.. LIke, I had no time. If I tried, I would have probably been able to, but not now.

-Willa

[Riley Bray]

Haha I hear you.

[Savior of Time]

Yeah, it really sucks.

-Willa