The Chest

When you hide, who are you really hiding from?

I look in the corner, and there it sits

A chest with a lock for secrets to fit

I wrap them up neatly, and tuck them away

Put aside for another time, to open another day

 

Do I dare share the key with another?

Am I ready to share all I hid from her?

No time to think such thoughts

In my stomach, grows such a knot

 

She blows off the dust from the chest

Now my heart, it cannot rest

I gave her the key

No choice now, but to let her see

What will she say? What will she think?

To quell my nerves I need a drink

 

She smiles and looks to me, I am admittedly relieved

What I thought she would judge and not believe

She tells me it's ok, that there is no need to hide

I let out a sigh from deep inside

 

I thought I should be ashamed; I should put these things away

Such a weight has been lifted, the rope holding me will no longer fray

I let her in and shared my inner thoughts

Instead of shame, I found a friend, for a while I thought I had not

Author's Note

Written in a few minutes so take that into consideration if you review it, again I am open to any and all criticisms. Anything I can do to make it better or just better in the future let me know. Thanks

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Thank you for sharing.

I would like to say that you should read this aloud to see how your stanzas and words flow together. If you are trying for a rhyming scheme, then you need to make sure to stick to that throughout and to make sure that your words actually rhyme. If they don’t, then it throws off the balance of the piece and it catches the reader causing them to focus on the flow instead of the subject matter.

As much as I would like to know what these secrets of shame are, it’s compelling that we as readers never really get to know. It’s as if this chest of the speaker’s really is only for this woman friend and even we are not privy to its secrets.

This is a good piece with many levels within it – Trust, shame, acceptance, expectations, and even redemption through chance. It is seemingly short, but holds a good number of lessons for all of us.
When I came to the last stanza, I really wanted to see the woman friend give the speaker a key of her own, but it would make sense that with how accepting she is, that her chest of secrets is laid open and she has already accepted all that it holds, much like the speaker is learning that he can do.

I think I would have enjoyed this piece more if there was more detail to it. What kind of chest does one hide their secrets in? A gold plated one? a dirty antique one? a one that was passed down from generation to generation that contains all the family secrets?

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you for the review! I have never really read any of my works aloud. It sounds like I should try it sometime. I wasn't really going for any sort of scheme I just picked words that felt right to me when I wrote it. Being the first of my poems I am happy to have the opportunity to hear critiques and make it better. thank you for the insight and will see about adding more detail in the future. Thank you again!

[silverwritinggoddess]

I thought this was rather good and especially written within just a few minutes. As it is after midnight, I'm just going to say that this was well-written and great job. Will be reading more of your work!

[Joshua McNay]

Why thank you. Glad you think it was good. I look forward to you enjoying more of my work. Thanks for the review!

[Woody]

nicely penned. I like it. I'm no poetry critic really but I certainly enjoyed your use of language.
nice one.

[A. Amos]

you share every day story of humans, find your writing crisp and interesting...

[Gipuzkoa]

Great writing comes from careful crafting of your work. And when it comes to poetry, this criterion must be taken even more into account. Why? Because poetry is anything but concise language. More so when compared to prose. Which means making a precise selection of words every time.


This painstaking process will result in your making fewer errors, such as the ones you made by forcing couplets throughout the entire poem.

[....]

WoW i really enjoyed this, mostly touching then anything.
I can feel the emotions poured out when writing this from your words.
Very nicely written and pulls at my heart strings.

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks, I am apparently pretty deep and I honestly had no idea.

[EileenMarie]

Nice poem........ I think many can relate to this :)

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks

[Nevena]

I liked how the language was eloquent but still not difficult to understand. I thought it was a lovely poem, especially the last verse.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you, I honestly wasn't sure if the whole "thought I had not" thing would land but glad it did.