Diary

I'm just another page in your diary

Diary

By Jaromy D. Jessop

 

What I get from loving you

Songs sung blue

Now I’m gonna mark my time

In abandoned mines of you

What you got from knowing me

Fallen leaves in your diary

 

Dirty rain �" won’t erase the pain

So I’ll write the wrongs

Into nothing songs

 

Things you say to me

Decorate the weeds

Grown in swallowed time

Now only fucked up rhymes

 

Going, going on, going strong…parade of bombs

And somehow I still believe

No reprieve

Being used

What you get from knowing me

Fallen leaves in your diary

 

Nothing songs

Never right the wrong

So I’ll take the trade

And fly away

Kick up the leaves

In your diary

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

you can feel the emotion, the heartache, the pain, the disappointment in this piece. I did enjoy the imagery and repetition in the line "fallen leaves in your diary"... I like the way you "write the wrongs" and "right the wrongs".. if I could offer any suggestions it would be maybe the second line.. it feels almost like a forced rhyme and that you could make it more intense, more emotional, more imagery there... overall, nice job.. can't wait to read more. 100

[JD Jessop]

Thank you sincerely for this review! 100?? Wow :)
Which line do you mean? Songs Sung Blue? - I appreciate the constructive criticism Thanks again.

[AprilRN1210]

you're welcome. yes, was referring to that line. not sure where you were going with it, but maybe something like (empty songs that we once knew)...keeps the meter and the "songs" being nothing theme throughout.. just suggestion.. with rhyme, you kinda want to keep a tighter meter--helps with the flow and make the rhymes "pop", but don't want them to feel forced..

[JD Jessop]

Oh got it. Songs sung blue is a play on Neil Diamonds "Song Sung Blue" but plural.........Thanks again for the constructive criticism.

[maria ( rose)]

I like the diversity you displayed here and the way the reader can pick up on your feelings of hurt, pain anger. very well penned.

[JD Jessop]

Thank you very much for your feedback Maria. Always nice to hear that someone else appreciates the lines you throw together.

[maria ( rose)]

You are very welcome my friend :))