My San Francisco

MY SAN FRANCISCO

Its bright sparkling waters
Cascading skyscrapers
Rolling hills
Sand dunes

The wind
Oh that godforsaken wind
It drives you back
And pulls you forward
And it makes you sigh
Makes you cry
It makes you squeal with delight

Oh and the light
That light
That beautiful beautiful light
Mirrors off the ocean
And into your soul
It's gorgeous
It's beautiful

She's my lover
My friend
My caretaker
My keeper

She has my heart
I left my heart
Left it in her
I left her beauty

In her soul
Her soul is mine
Our heart beat together
At the same time

Oh my San Francisco
I love you

Reviews

[TLK]

There are some interesting interactions here, but I'm not left feeling enough has been made of them. For example, the 'godforsaken' wind seems to do everything to everyone -- but how is this possible?
I am also not sure WHY the light is so beautiful. I would like some imagery or metaphor here to make it clear why your reaction is so strong.

Small typo in the first word.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I love how your words and meanings gust in this poem each stanza and you can feel the waves at Ocean Beach and the constant wind in the coming and going of the meanings in the words.

[cbell]

http://www.writerscafe.org/evolove/writing/ Thanks for entering Ma'at's contest. You can enter 2 more poems.

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed your words...I was only there once but really liked it alot...SyberRose

[Just Kim]

Awesome imagery and flow.
I enjoyed this write

[Harrisen Viator]

I enjoy the poem, but I feel like you could have used more imagery. You use a lot of words that describe the scenery, but you don't really link them together. What I'm trying to say is that I can't really picture what you are describing. It's not a bad poem, just try and focus more on imagery and showing what you're describing, rather than throwing adjectives around.

[TLK]

I think this is a very helpful review. Constructive criticism through and through. You have earned a subscribe from me just because I desperately want this kind of comment to be common on this site (I am updating my profile right now to represent this).

I now place you in my eternal pantheon of heroes. Please tell me if you come across anyone else who deserves some praise for their reviews.