Journal #1

I don't know how or what to feel. I feel trapped in a world that hates me. when only a few that does love. 

A girlfriend what I want to be with but does she want to be with me. 

I'm stuck in a family crisis that only seems to be getting worse. 

My mother, someone that I trusted as a baby, but soon fails as a mom. I'm suppose to love and honor. but yet she lies, cheats, and steals. and I don't mean in literal.

She lies to get people to do what she wants and when she wants. she guilt trips people to feel bad for her but she now has done it so much I don't care what happens to her. 

She cheated the system of the law.

I didn't want to stay three LONG a*s days in jail. because of that she lied and cheated.

she steals people to get them to be close to her and then she turns away and pushes you to a limit where you don't want to have anything to do with her. 

I love my family. but its broken. The only ones who truly cares about me are the ones I stay with. My grandparents.

My girlfriend, Someone I love truly. her family is perfect in my eyes. her family thought her values and respect. A Christian home. parents that love each other and want to help one another. I want that. I wish to be with them. i want to have a family like that. 

Not a family that does drugs. does things to get what they want. 

I have no friends, as it seems. No one to talk to. No one to be there when I need them. I'm alone in a world that hates me. 

I walk all around, I try to be friendly to people that I don't even know, and they look at me like I'm weird or an idiot. 

The only thing I have to say, is I hope that who ever reads this, I hope you have it better. 

I hope you have friends. 

I hope you have a family that loves you. 

I hope you have a great life. 

because mine sucks. and sometimes I just want to end my life just to see how other would feel. 

Would they miss me? Would they notice I was gone? Would they care? 

I wish I had the answers. because if no one would care, or if no one would notice, and no one would miss me, I'd  end my life to solve everyones problem.