Break-up: A black and white prison

A Story by JDStream

A very short story about a very recent break-up

After some hours have passed I try to comprehend my feelings. I feel sad but not exactly sad, I feel anxious but not exactly anxious, I feel scared but not exactly scared. The true is that the feeling that governs my self right now I closer to boredom. I don’t know what to do to be distracted or where to put my self. A strange sensation that the world is black and white overwhelms me.

Truth be told my partner broke-up with me, no the other way around. I could say that it was a mutual decision. But the truth is that I love her enough to try to overcome our problem an I told her that. She told me the opposite, that she didn’t love me enough to think that overcoming our problems was worth at all.

While having the talk, I understood that my feeling for her were a lot stronger than her feelings for me and I felt weak.

Truth be told, is that somehow my life started orbiting around her and she didn’t want it and I couldn’t stop it. My work sucks and my friends and family are far away and in that vulnerable situation my life wasn’t interesting enough for me to hold to it. That made me make my mistake or one o them.

I felt she didn’t love me and a I tried to hold to her, by being nice I just push her far away. She is a very independent person. She told me even before we started dating, that she needs space. I tried to give to her that but in the way I knew.

Now I am trapped in a black and white world where things don’t bother me neither give me joy. I don’t know if two weeks from now all the tears in my eyes will finally come out. If the sadness will kick in and my reality will hit me. If the anxiety will asphyxiate me and the sorrow will drawn me. Truth be told I'll rather be free and hurt than someone that doesn’t care about anything in this black and white prison.

I hope to get out so the pain makes me feel alive, I hope to get out so I can cry. I hope to cry so I can smile.