Awake in E.R.

I open my eyes. Everything is blurry. I feel a sudden slashing horrific pain everywhere. It is no longer blurry; I see doctors and assistants standing over me with tools, so sharp. They are cutting me open. I’m awake stop!!! They don’t hear me. Why are they not stopping; can’t they see me staring right at them? Why can’t I move? I’m in a horror film. I am awake for my whole surgery. I instantly regret watching those Saw movies. I got enjoyment out of these horrific scenes and now I’m living it; it isn’t entertaining anymore. My mind is physically weakening from each cut. I feel each terrible deep slashing cut. I feel the skin splitting like a banana peel. My body is wide open. I feel the suction of the blood. I feel the tweezers pinching my skin sharply and moving it around like it is not attached to a person, or nerves. Who are these horrible people who treat me like an object instead of a human? I am not a car. I am so weak. Each cut tears apart my brain to where I am hardly conscious. What a cruel joke the pain takes me right to the edge of sleep again but withholds it. Each cut a blurring pain and then I’m right back. I want them to hurt me so bad I’m out again please. I am begging for the pain now. I’m not a masochist; I just want it over. I am weak. I would take death at this point. The doctors are talking and laughing with the nurses unaware of the man they think is unconscious on the table. Who the f**k talks about golf when death is on the line? I have no doubt these men are truly evil. How long has the surgery been happening? Is it over soon? God I pray its over soon. I am not a religious man but I will turn to anything that can get me out off this. The seconds feel like hours. I never noticed how terrible white was. White lights. White walls. White the symbol of peace, faith, and goodness. No white is the color of horror there is no purity here. I see the doctor pull out my own heart. This is the most surreal feeling. I am literally looking at the thing that keeps me alive and it’s not in me. I am seeing my very life in this small sack of meat. My existence depends on this weak organ? How truly powerless we are. I see the new heart going in it feels cold touching my chest. More suction. Scream worthy pain on top of this already sawing pain. He’s moving in and out with a needle like he is crocheting a scarf. More suction. This is the only decent feeling, and I can’t even enjoy it over the pain. I’m starting to relish the pain. This pain is killing, and saving at the same time. What the hell an assistant just puts a bottle of dr. pepper in the Dr.’s mouth. I’m not above the irony of Dr. Pepper, but during my surgery? Shouldn’t he be paying attention to my life? I could die! He’s prolonging my pain, this a*****e. He thinks I won’t remember. Your keeping my family waiting Dr. Back to me, he gets the heart sown to the veins and taps it. S**t I regret this immediately. Back to sowing me up and putting ribs back in place. It is truly a rip your heart out pain. He gets my ribs back in place. He sows my skin and it looks like he is lacing up skates. Tearing skin pulled together. It is almost over. Thank god. I hear a beeeeepppppppp. He’s flat lining. Grab the paddles. Are you freaking serious? The pain wasn’t enough now you got to electrocute me. bzzzzzzzzz. It feels as if two irons are on me and lightning has struck both at the same time. I feel my body convulse. Just let me die doc. Bzzzz again. I am beeping. I have been sewed sawed and electrocuted all in ten minutes. I wish I knew beforehand this would happen. I would have opted out of surgery and died. I hear it’s much more painless than this prolonged torture just to give me a few more years. The Dr. takes off his gloves and walks out thank god it’s over. Wait why does he look upset? Why are the nurses sad? Where did the beeping go? Hey don’t put that sheet over me.

 

Reviews

[Imara]

wow a torture to read. I felt that pain inside. The last line "Hey don't put that sheet over me." Reminds me of something Shel Silverstein would write (Of course it wouldn't be about something so dark) Good Job once again. My only suggestion would be to break it up, of course that's just my personal preference, I found the long never breaking print a little difficult to read. Other than that amazing work once again!

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it.

[Marie]

This is an agonizing thing isn't it? To be forced to go through all that pein, and then die at the end of it.

[Jayden Ireton]

Yes it is truly a waste of agony. Thank you for reading.

[Traci]

A very interesting read, written by one with a creative imagination. Dark prose, I could actually feel the anxiety, the sadness in each word, and oftentimes found myself reading faster just to see how it would end.

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you very much for the kind review. I do like to write some dark pieces.