The Guillotine

 

The smell of wood is so strong on the steps

I can smell pine with a hint of a rotten odor

I believe it is blood, It stains the boards

It is a horrifying idea that this machine was created in man’s head

What sick creatures we must be to glorify these disgusting thoughts

As I touch my knees I see the fresh puddle of human blood

I dare not look up; I know what is there

I have no desire to see that blood stained destroyer

What a terrible job a blacksmith has

He creates weapons and machines he knows will spill blood

Does he feel no shame?

The nameless man pushes my head down

I inhale and look around at the last look I will have at humanity

I am truly saddened that I see looks of joy and ecstasy

Humanity. HA. What a joke. B*****d people of the abyss

I see the nameless man moving to the side

I hear movements of mechanisms

I look forward now to escaping these horrific monsters

I think God has finally heard my prayers and is removing me from hell.

(swish)

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Justin

Apologies in advance for the length of what follows. But this piece has touched and affected me deeply.

I picked this from the top of your list and look forward to reading more.

I can see from this piece why you responded to 'A Walk in the Park, They Say' in the way you did.

Perhaps we share the same notion that at times our writing may honour noble causes.

That is to say, if we believe in something or equally disagree with it, feel moved by an issue and want to share it to help through understanding then there is good reason to write about it.

To comfort or inform.

Here you start by seeming to grip only the issue of the death penalty.

But then you widen it to the whole philosophy of man's humanity or rather inhumanity to man in any or all of its forms.

It seems to me you skilfully put us inside the head of a person stepping onto the platform of a guillotine and allow us to hear his final thoughts.

You add to the mix, thereby enhancing it, all the senses (bar one) of touch, sight, hearing, smell, in the last case:

"The smell of wood is so strong on the steps
I can smell pine with a hint of a rotten odor."

So many of us omit 'smell' from our writing. So well done.

I think the only one you miss is 'taste'

Not that you need to work that in somehow or other, but when I reflect on my own writing, I try to look and see if I cover all five. Sometimes I do; sometimes I don't. It doesn't stop me thinking about whether I should or not. Just a thought.

Your passionate complaint in the middle that the world we live in can be quite so hateful, hating, judging and yet even smile about it:

"I am truly saddened that I see looks of joy and ecstasy"

is hugely powerful and moving.

Your ending leaves us in no doubt of your character's conclusion on life - that a world so awful cannot be worth living in. The words are effectively expressed, with the addition of a final 'swish':

"I look forward now to escaping these horrific monsters
I think God has finally heard my prayers and is removing me from hell.
(swish)"

As to your style in general, I thought this piece worked. Personally I would drop the word 'HA' as it interrupts the flow when you are already saying it's all one big joke. Personal taste.

Finally the most important (ever the philosopher) my views on the content of a very meaningful piece, which is hugely thought provoking.

It forces us (ME!)to ponder on the whole issue of 'humanity' and 'inhumanity'.

Narrowly?

You either believe in the death penalty or you do not.

I firmly DO NOT. What purpose does it serve to remove another human being's life for their crimes, whatever they may be, if any?

None!

We simply become as bad as the person who is being thereby punished, by returning the disfavour.

Even more so, if the execution is as a result of divergent beliefs, or so-called causes.

What cause, if it itself wishes to be respected, would inflict death on those who happen to disagree? The case in say the French Revolution?

None!

More widely?

Should we enlist if we go to war or be a consciousness objector? It has never happened to me. But I have wondered how I would react.

Is killing acceptable in war?

Does it depend on whether the war has just cause?

What is a just cause?

In an ideal world, none of this would happen or be necessary. But this is not an ideal world and in the second world war, Hitler HAD to be stamped on or he would have stamped all over HUMANITY. In the process he alone orchestrated one of the most awful crimes imaginable - The Holocaust. The gas chamber to your guillotine.

There were those who just got caught in the cross-fire; those civilians caught in bomb raids.

Yet if those who had fought had not fought and killed, then the world would have become one much larger Holocaust.

The jury is still out in my mind as to whether I would enlist or not. But if I had to make a call now, I would enlist. Perhaps sometimes the only way to fight evil is with evil?

In relation to causes and their morality or not I think there is one I would like you, if not all of us, to think about.

I was brought up in Belfast during the height of the Troubles in the seventies where the Catholics / Nationalists / IRA fought with the Protestants / Unionists / UDA. They killed and bombed each other daily in a fight over whether Ireland should be unified or the North remain part of the UK.

Some appalling atrocities were committed by both sides in the name of their cause. Read my 'Bloody Friday' on here. In the name of their cause each ended up killing their own, in bombings that caught whoever was around!

If you ever get round to reading 'Split', you will find one of the most horrific in The Troubles I lived through when brought up there.

A series of incendiary bombs were placed on meat skewers round the walls of a hotel / restaurant (La Mon) not far from where I lived by the IRA during a dinner dance there one night. The place was crowded mostly by people of the other persuasion just having fun and getting on with their lives.

But deliberately sugar had been added to the concoction of the explosives so that when the bomb exploded, the fragments would stick to human skin, burn and kill.

Even writing about this again brings back terrors of my childhood (endless nightmares that I can relive daily) and I am quite capable of crying about it as I am now. Read Split to find out more.

Please read the Wikipedia link below. You may weep too!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Mon_restaurant_bombing

Widest and finally?

Should we, as your character suggests be pleased to exit a horrific world?

No!

We should seek to remain and fight against horror.

Where are all the pacifists and pacifiers; where all the humanitarians and philanthropists?

If there are any, are they outnumbered by those who seek to injure unjustly (be it by words or actions)?

Where we see injustice, extremes, where there should be middle ground does anyone call out and state their position?

The answer my friend is:

Yes we do exist!

Ghandi, Mandela others. And if you want to focus on using the pen as a sword alone, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

Big names like they, or little ones like me and like you.

We all count.

There are others around us too.

We may have a small voice. But together we are stronger.

Let's do something about it as you have effectively done here by writing this piece and I try in my writing.

Let's go change the world and make it a better place, even if we only impact one person once as you have just done with me!

If that is all we ever do, maybe that is in itself enough.

With my warmest regards

James Hanna-Magill

PS I apologise that when I review, I may review long.

But if it is long, in this case very long, it is only because you as a writer have just had a very deep impact on me emotionally and intellectually.

Perhaps my disorder makes me so.

But I prefer to think it is because I am a sentient human being who cares and who has the time to care and who really wishes, as you do, they we all did.

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you for the review. Yes I do want to speak on the nobler causes. I think things need to be brought to light not covered up. I didn’t even think of taste that would have really added to the poem. It brings to light the ridiculousness of killing very well. I agree about the stupidity of the death penalty and I find war for resources and land a barbaric act. I do agree with self defense war. I am a firm advocate of peace. I am Irish and welsh. I was told if I go back to visit the family that stayed to stay clear of those border areas even to this day. It is too hard to forget. People are still scared in the regions affected by acts of terrorism. It is so sad our countrymen who attacked and still try to attack each other. There is enough pain in the world without inflicting on ourselves. I will definitely look into “split”. Yes if we write for the changes hopefully someone will agree and the world can become better with every issue we tackle. I thank you for the lengthy review. By putting that much effort in I can see how much you truly care about every issue. I wish you the best in all your work.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Justin

Thank you

And now after this review tell the world!

read moreDear Justin

Thank you

And now after this review tell the world!

With my best wishes

J H-M

[James Hanna-Magill]

I am pleased I helped

[Julia Mancini]

This is not a pretty poem, but it does not make it any less impactful (is that even a word? Oh well. You get my point). It has amazing imagery. I never supported the death penalty, and I've found it worse than the actual crime. I love how you characterize the narrator, the criminal who did something bad enough to be executed, as the only human one Very great read. Thank you for writing it

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you very much for the review. I do like to tackle some of the darker issues.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

An interesting and gritty write. I like the description and the imagery; you've definitely painted a picture here, as well as added a good bit of important social commentary. Do those who create weapons (guns, knives, swords, killing machines, etc.) really have the guilt of thier uses? Because, afterall, man was killing man with his hands prior to the invention of any type of weapon...then cames rocks, sticks, etc. You've brought up valid points.

Mechanically, I think this would work better without the periods at the ends of the lines. Each line that is a complete thought can go without punctuation, or you can end the lines with commas...periods are difficult because they force the reader to a "hard stop" rather than a "soft pause" like a comma would do. Anyway, good write.

[Jayden Ireton]

Yes I want to bring up issues in my writing. Man has a mean streak. We use any tools to accomplish our horrific goals. I will change the mechanics. It felt write to me without the periods all over it as well. Thank you for the help.