Deathspitol

Deathspitol

A Poem by Jayden Ireton

The halls are sterile.
The smell is bleachy.
Art on the walls to distract from the death hanging in the air,
Kids are crying, old people are dying.
Everywhere you look whitewashed walls,
People rushing past, lost in the crowd.
Doors on either side all the way down-
Keep walking more crying, more screaming, more death.
Men in white walking to waiting rooms to spread death to families waiting,
Making more tears, the world never stutters, this place never stops.
Clean the bed, bleach the floors,time to bring in another dying patient.
Needle pricks, medicine trays, catheters, wheelchairs, gurneys,
Racing along faster and faster, we must bring death along.
Death sits in the waiting room legs propped up with a magazine feeling right at home.

© 2013 Jayden Ireton


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

This is quite... Interesting.

It's somewhat hard to read, though. At least, it is to me. Perhaps if it were broken up into stanzas, or the lines had some form of uniform. The first two lines are quite short, which is fine, but then the following lines seem to get longer and longer, and they don't seem to flow quite as smoothly.

The meaning behind it, though, is evident. The imagery is quite nice, and a nice thing about poetry is that you don't need to use the same "proper grammar" as you would in other forms of writing, but it is a lot easier if you do. It's got great potential, but, like a lot of things, it does have some room for improvement.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Jayden Ireton

11 Years Ago

Thank you. When i first was writing I was going to go short to longer and longer but decided to just.. read more
the last line just got me these words come on strong
sad that this is what the last light looks like
and yes death should feel right at home
thank you for sharing

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jayden Ireton

11 Years Ago

Thank you for the review.

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

75 Views
2 Reviews
Added on March 6, 2013
Last Updated on March 6, 2013