A View

A poetic view of depression.

Depression is a result of sadness.
Sadness is leading to madness.
Madness has pushed towards tiredness. 
Tiredness became hopelessness.
Hopelessness has now driven towards the thought of death.

It's not easy for a person to remain hopeful,
In a world filled with such hatred.

But you can only hope for the hatred to be over, 

until then your hope is being tested, going to waste.

You're trying to spread your wings,
To fly. 
To live. 
To be free. 
It's hard to spread your wings when it feels as though each bone has slowly been shattered.

So you watch the world around you live.
You watch the people around you gliding through life, 

but you're trapped on the ground forced to watch, to feel your bones shattering more and more.
You try to relocate that pain, move it from your head, 
To your arms.
To your legs. 
To anywhere other than your head.

Maybe then you will feel okay.
You make yourself bleed.
The sensation of release, it makes you stop.

You feel calm. 
You feel at peace.
You feel alive.
But that calm, peace, feelings of aliveness, It will only last so long.
That pain will return, there is no doubt. 
You will feel just as broken as before, but you must try pretend you are okay. 

You are not okay.

These feelings, they can be described, 

but it's hardly a glimpse of what it is really like.

It's as though you're swimming in a pool full of people, 

the weights of your struggles have dragged you to the bottom.

You're struggling for air, watching those people above you continue living, while you're trapped. 

No one even notices. 
It's as though you're running a race and no matter how hard you're pushing yourself, 

you just can't see the finish line. 

You can see people over taking you, and you're stuck at the end, but you still try to finish the race because it's just what you're meant to do.

It's being in a room full of people, and feeling like the loneliest person in the world and no one can make you feel present because you're stuck in your head.

How can someone love you let alone like you? 
The cruel thoughts you tell yourself are the ones that kill. 
You're killing yourself. 
How can you hate yourself so much that it causes you to not want to live. 
It's as easy as it seems. 
It's as simple as it seems.
Nobody loves you and you know why right? Because you don't love yourself.
Wrong.
Because you're so wrapped in your own head, you refuse any other thought from entering your head. 

You believe you don't deserve love. 
You deny access of anyone.

There are people that say it will get better, you're only young. 
But if this is what being young feels like why would I ever want to be old. 

If my life feels so low right now, imagine how much lower I will be in the future? 
As it may be, it might get better, but I'll never be the same so is that really better?

Is it normal death is so appealing, so attractive, so beautiful. 
Maybe it is or maybe it isn't, but there is a beauty in a time after life that no one understands. 

But death is just a fantasy, only good for my imagination. 

That's the way it should remain?
Right? 

How do you know when you're ready to die? 
You don't. 
You're scared. 
You're sad.
You're lost.
You're stuck. 
But above all its the only thing in the world you want. 
You crave it.
It's a beautiful thought. 
So peaceful, alternate reality if you will. 
But no one knows for sure, it's just the idealistic way to be happy. 
To be free. 
To be you. 

But you must not die yet. 
You're not ready.
You must continue on living. 
You may be dead inside but you need to live, not for you, for them. 
For them until you can live for you. 

When you're ready to say goodbye, 

you will have no doubt at mind. 

You will lie at rest and be free of time. 
You will be happy atlas and at peace, but at that time your time will be up. 

So right now you need to live for today. 
Fight a battle day by day, even if it feels as though you're so far away from reality.
From yourself. 

It's good to remember you are loved,
You are important
You can have a will to live. 
You may not believe it, 
But one day you'll say it and mean it. 
You will believe it. 

You will never know how deeply you are loved by others,
Until you feel as though you are over the line, close to the end. 
You will see there are people who will die to see you happy. 
So for them you should live. 

Be happy.
Be hopeful.

- Jazmine Curry 

Author's Note

It's my first attempt so opinions would be cool!

Photo cred: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c6/cf/8b/c6cf8b1f1ea4b9855bd53c8a54c96ee1.gif

Reviews

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

HEY YOU DID GOOD FOR YOUR FIRST ATTEMPT...

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Lovely, eloquent work and great first attempt Jasmine! I know that your poem, and the truth it expresses, will help so many people. Great expression of hope in the ending. You have wonderful talent so keep writing!!