reason

A college ethics class taught me that the most valuable trait humans have is our ability to reason... To feel. 
Today, I wished I was a gnat or a cat or someone other than I... 
These feelings I feel are starting to give my heart black eyes and bruised ribs and broken bones, throw sticks and stones at my intellect, my happiness, my confidence, 
my sanity waivers at the thought of him... 
2 weeks ago I sat in my shower fully clothed, hot water scorching my skin, 
I scrubbed and scratch with sweet pea scented bath soap and I tried to get his memory off my skin off my mind, out of me... I let you in. 
You poked and probed me with your mischievous eyes and your glistening brown skin and I tasted you with every word you said I held on like I've never did. 
I warned you....
I begged you not to come in unless you would be willing to help me figure out some of this s**t the other n****s before you had gotten me in. There was honesty in your touch and if I didn't know anything I knew this much:
I wanted to find out who you were, find that boy that you're left with when you're all alone, when all the weed is smoked up, the b*****s, your friends and the booze is gone.....
I guess s**t happens,
I just wish it didn't happen to me. 
I'll pick up these pieces you left of me.... 
Put them together and pray that someone else will think this is a beautiful mess... 
I'm a mess. 
And I guess you know the rest... 
In real life there's no happily ever after, 
after college we probably won't be together 
after it's all said and done, It's all said and done. That's it, it's just the end. No explanation or reason.