STORMY SLEEPLESS NIGHT

STORMY SLEEPLESS NIGHT
angry wind, vicious biting rain,
roaring in from the north west
like honed ice blades
slashing at me wrapped in my royal purple hooded cloak,
our first winter storm out of the north,
colder than the ice glaciers slicing down the gorges of alaska...
i am walking the bluffs
near westport
it is almost midnight,
i could not sleep,
i left the warm bed
in the bed and breakfast inn
where i am visiting with friends,
i do not know why i can’t sleep,
the day although stormy and cold, was good,
filled with the laughter of friends
the warmth of a crackling fire, fine food and wine,
why,
why could i not sleep warm and happy,
instead, i walk the icy bluffs,
torn by rain and wind weeping for reasons beyond my ken,
and then,
his voice comes out of the howling wind,
"you know, you know,
the last time you walked these cliffs, it was with me."
and,
like a hot poker from the deepest fires of hell
it stabs me clean and quick,
we spent our last vacation walking these bluffs,
just a year and one month after they told me i would die because i had AIDS,
just one month past them telling him about the cancer invading his body,
too well metastasized for any hope of a cure,
he would be gone in a year and five months...
i am alone
walking these dark bluffs
waiting for whatever mask AIDS wears when i loose my battle,
they gave me five years, way back then,
but,
i have remained here, alive and dancing my dance
for twenty nine years,
i am alive on borrowed time,
but, i am alive and i remember his warm laughter now and all the joy we shared
i return to my bed in the inn,
i fall asleep warm, wrapped in our memories...

Reviews

[JayceeC]

This is beautiful. You are such a descriptive writer that you pull me into your scenes effortlessly, but you also manage to make me feel that edgy restlessness. It's odd what we can bury within our minds, and how it will prod us to tumble to the forefront and be examined. Happy times masking the other more precious memories, perhaps because they are so intensely personal that they aren't to be shared. And somehow despite sadness and pain of loss, they are a comfort. Love this one JC. Jan

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you...i do miss him and yet in many ways he is with me even now...

[JayceeC]

I think the people we love, always stay close to our hearts. They're so much a part of us. But I also feel that they can talk with us when we need them. Whether that is knowing what they would say and "hearing it" in my head in their voice or something more, I'm not sure....

[Tks]

I can't say anything about this. If you don't mind..I would rather not comment, but just read and quietly appreciate your words. This is because this is one of those moments in life when words speak much louder than anything else..thank you for sharing with us your story..
"I fall asleep warm, wrapped in our memories". How much emotion can words carry...

[dan]

jeannemarie, The way you structure what you have to say, the way you "build" your writes, is unparalleled on WC by anyone. You first talk about a nasty and vicious storm buffeting your location, reinforcing the disturbance in your sleep pattern; but then the storm takes a different tack. You hear the voice of your dearly departed husband (I'm guessing) describing a way earlier walk together along the craggy bluffs, talking of YOUR impending battle with the AIDS virus...only to have HIM being struck by an extremely aggressive cancer, 1.5 years to live. THEN the storm represents the battles the two of you were waging with illness, stormy winds buffeting your time left together. Your writing and style continue to amaze me, and I feel honored being able to read the things you generously share with all of us. take care...dan

[Gee]

Very moving,the loss of a loved one and everyday memories.Very well penned

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you for the kind words

[daninstockholm]

beautifully written, i feel the cold, the wind, the pain of loss and the uncertainty of time. Very Well done!

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you...i miss him so

[Emily]

Nice wording!
Keep it up!!

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you for the kind words

[StoriesbyAliyah]

it is incredible how poetry can affect people. poetry can tell all kinds of stories and appeal to the senses! this is a great poem one that has readers in deep thought about life.

[jeannemarie coulter]

my thanks and blessings to you

[~]

I see someone really likes purple :) "i am alive on borrowed time," -- a great verse to echo the burning inside of memories.

[Perkele.7885]

It is amazing how life is given from God and of God; how it is made on purpose and sometimes by accident or by ill-purpose.....how then too; that it is lost or taken away by illness or accident, unavoidable or not.....sometimes there seems to be no fathomable rhyme or reason about who gets to remain living and who dies. And, let us not forget those lives lost in or because of war and pestilence. Life and death. Jeannemarie, you have been close to it in your way, a way delivered upon you, I, on the other-hand have lived a life where death has been part and parcel of my job description. I wish you, more years, many more, to beat the harbingers of death and embrace the angels that sustain our lives on Earth.

[Coyote Poetry]

A storm, thoughts of life and can't sleep. Can lead us to thinking too much.
"i have remained here, alive and dancing my dance
for twenty nine years,
i am alive on borrowed time,
but, i am alive and i remember his warm laughter now and all the joy we shared
i return to my bed in the inn,
i fall asleep warm, wrapped in our memories..."
the above lines can stand alone. When we are wrapped in memories. We can block the new chances and opportunities. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote