When Fred Lost His Cool

A Story by Jason Brown

Short story about two friends.

For as long as I can remember, everyday has been the same. I wake up, assimilate with everybody else, and pretend I can relate to them. Forever and always I will carry my secret that separates me from those I aspire to be.

“Hiya Fred, how ya doin’?” my pal Christ says to me with an excited look gleaming on his face.

“Great man, what about you?” I ask as I brace myself for whatever it is that has him so excited.

“I’m doing simply fantastic man. I’m planning a trip to the PANHANDLE this weekend, do you want to come?” asked Chris with a devilish smile.

Oh no, I think he’s gone and figured it out. “Um, yeah” I said in a feeble attempt to hide my crippling nervousness.

“Great, there’s a restaurant there that has the best FRIED food you’ll ever eat in your life,” he said clearly getting a kick out of this. “Have you ever heard of that band SKILLET? They may make an appearance while we’re down there too.” He said with his voice slowly raising in volume. “Hey you know what?” He asks beginning to giggle. “If you take the word giggle, drop the g’s and some d’s and throw in an ‘r,’ you get GRIDDLE.” He said in a roar of laughter. “You’re a F*****G FRYING PAN.” He yelled still in a fit of roaring laughter.

I just couldn’t stop myself, I punched him directly in the face. As he recoiled back from the blow, I hit him with 2 extra body shots. Now with Chris clearly winded and hurt, I move in for the kill, I land a swift uppercut, and he’s out cold. I bolted before anyone could see what I’ve done. This was a necessary evil in order to keep my secret, Chris needed to be taken care of. Forever and always I will carry this secret, my name is Fred, and I am a frying pan.