Hookah

Another piece I wrote for a creative writing class in Spring of 2014.

The serpent hoses are held

by many mouths.

It brings a delicious flavor,

but a useless taste---

a guilty pleasure.

Smoke is the answer.

Death,

the resolution.

Watch, as stress swirls away; 

dancing to the rhythm

of each breath released.

This mist of crystals,

rings, ghosts, and waterfalls

engulf the body.

It cries out for more

but gasps---

toxins rooting the lung's surface.

You are the charmer.

Author's Note

Any comments are welcome as long as they're constructive!

Reviews

[fireravensflight]

as my Canadian Buddies say,She's a Beaut! I'd love to say that this is going to be a constructive comment but I personally think that you couldn't have written this any better. Being a smoker (who has tried to quit several times... and failed lol) I can relate to seeing both the beauty and the ugliness of smoking.

Watch, as stress swirls away;
dancing to the rhythm
of each breath released.
- I haven't seen anyone describe that perfect feeling you get with that first drag. Be it in the morning with your coffee or after being deprived for hours on end because of work.

at the same time
Death, the resolution.
-is the most honest statement about smoking that all smokers know to be true but work so hard to bury in the deepest corners of their minds.
also, 'you are the charmer' sends a very probing realization. Nothing to be criticized here. Just praised! well done

[Janine Boiselle]

Thanks man! Interestingly enough, when I had this piece workshopped in class, I got a lot of criticism for it. I can't remember exactly what is was, but nonetheless, my poetry seems to always be a clear hit or miss. As a smoker myself, I thought it would be fun to try and capture some kind of image or description of this sensation that only a smoker can truly relate to. I'm glad you enjoyed it!