Last Thoughts

His pain inside
It never ends
Bottled up emotions he'll hide
Even from his closest friends

 

They'll never know
And he'll never tell
How she hurt him so
And how his heart will never be well

 

He turns the music up

As he starts to take a sip
From this deadly cup,
He feels his soul begin to rip

 

The poison takes its toll
And he knows he'll be gone soon
He's losing all control
"Fade to Black," such a fitting tune

 

His sight begins to blur
His grip on reality slips
The last thought is of her
And the first time he kissed her lips

Reviews

[CircusNerd]

the end is always pretty sad, but the flow of this was nice

[Wicahpi]

Suicide, sucks. Experienced it twice.
This is a good write, and yes, fitting tune.

[Everchanging Disaster]

Wow...this is very powerful. It gave me chills-there is a very "forbodeing" tone here and the way you introduce the idea that he will kill himself is very subtle, "And he starts to take a sip from this deadly cup.
He feels his soul begin to rip" I love that-the introduction of death as well as a beautiful metaphor.

And the way you end this "The last thought is of her, and the first time he kissed her lips" Ties everything together and reminds the reader that it is because of his undying love that no one can help him to deal with that he is at this point.

Love it! Well written, great read!

[Poeticpiers]

First class rhyming a sad sad tale, I enjoyed the read But it could be improved by paying attention to the meter