The Dragon's Hoard

A short story I wrote to get my feet wet in the field of creative/narrative writing. Has an ambiguous ending to be interpreted by the reader. In fact, a form is linked at the end for that exact reason

The Dragon’s Hoard,

by Andrew Ballard

Lucas was a scholar, first and foremost. He had devoted himself to the study of knowledge, the pursuit of arcane lore. So why was it that he now found himself staring down the muzzle of a sinister, matured dragon? A red, fire-breathing, winged reptile taller than 50 men, and twice as long. Not that Lucas would have minded it’s enormous size … if this was a more controlled situation. But when you arrive with a sword-wielding barbarian for a companion, who charges the majestic creature on first sight, that alternative is out of the question.

Now he was staring at one of the most glorious beings in the world... directly in the eyes. Deep inside the cave it had nested in, a cave that seemed to carry an abundant amount of knowledge, judging from the library he saw in a corner. He shivered in fear... fear and excitement. Perhaps he would finally get the chance to speak to a dragon? Maybe get a peek at those books? Curiosity overcame self-preservation in that moment, and Lucas opened his mouth to speak only to get quickly cut off.

“Silence, fool! I might as well burn you, as I did that one over there.” A deep, rich voice bellowed in Lucas’ own tongue, before he could express a single syllable, the dragon nudged its head towards the crisp of a man that was once Lucas’ hot-headed accomplice. Slowly the dragon rose to a sitting position, cocking its head slightly as he stared at the remaining invader. “But Perhaps I won’t…  but I would have you tell me, why are you here, whelp?”

“That man told me he required a guide, o glorious serpent! I had little idea of his intentions!” Lucas almost yelled. He was no dragonslayer, nor was he a bandit... Although he did feel a twinge of guilt for the dead warrior. Perhaps he could have stopped him from making the final mistake… It was too late now. His shaved head gleamed with sweat now, brown eyes large from the fear of realizing just what situation he was in. Just like before he left the tower.

Lucas cowered in the corner as his master rampaged about, books getting thrown around the tower in a rage as Master Logan kept yelling “Where is it!?” Something was obviously missing, but when Lucas had tried to ask, all he had gotten was a strike on the cheek. His mentor had never hit him before. Eventually Master Logan told Lucas to find the World’s Tome, or never dare return.

“Flattery won’t help you here, whelp. I can read you like a open book. You seek the World’s tome, knowledge that only I possess. It’s in there, boy.” As the dragon said those words and gestured to the library, Lucas took an involuntary step forward towards the books. Then the Scaley Magnificence spoke again. “But is that truly what you wish? Is there nothing more?” The dragon asks, eyes glittering as it revealed a large pile of gold and gems. Lucas’ eyes fell upon a simple golden band, ornamented with the most brilliant diamond he had ever seen, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“So there is something else? Why don’t you tell me about this... Other desire?” It asked, a faint tone of amusement apparent in its voice. Lucas hesitated, unsure of what to say. Why would this dragon be so interested in what was driving him? Why wasn’t he dead yet? At the pause, the dragon chuckled. “So, you do not wish to tell me? That’s fine. I can just look myself.” With that statement, a foreign pressure pushed on Lucas’ mind as he remembered...

At the wake of dawn Lucas sat in the tavern, drowning last night’s events in a mug of weak alcohol. He never had a taste for the stuff, but it helped to cope with the stress that his mentor’s behaviour created. After finishing the drink, he walked out to wander the stores as they opened, looking for the tome his mentor wanted so badly. No one seemed to know of it, and eventually with noon-time approaching, he stopped at a restaurant to eat. And there he saw… Her.

He tried to ignore the waitress, of course. She was just a distraction from his quest. But she wouldn’t give up, attempting to get known to the foreign man. Medium-length hair sitting in brown strands just below her shoulders, bright blue eyes glowing with intelligence and wondrous curiosity and a slim, yet common figure. These were features that usually didn’t matter to the scholar. Emily, she said her name was, short for ‘Amelia’, but Lucas could call her what he wanted. She talked for quite a while as Lucas ate. Said she’d be waiting for him to come back.

He must have searched for months in the surrounding areas. With nothing ever pointing in any direction, he found his way every evening back to this same restaurant. And Emily was always there when he returned, cheering him up, talking, even philosophizing at times. And Lucas eventually spoke, as well. There was an odd feeling that had manifested throughout the last month. One he hadn’t felt before. Perhaps he could live there, with her… but he’d need money.

Lucas shook his head as the pressure subsided. Why did he suddenly recall all those memories? But he had not much time to ponder this, as the dragon began to laugh… His fiery gaze meeting the scholar’s. The young man in front of him was so similar to his old friend, he could be a mirror image… but this one had yet the opportunity to choose his own destiny.

“You see? There was more. There is always more. But what could you hope to offer this… Emily? How could a scholar like you hope to provide for a family?” It asked, although Lucas suspected it might already know.

“I was born a woodworker’s son, and spent my time building small toys. I brought in a healthy share of coin. I… I could do that, if I had the funds to open a store…” His thoughts trailed off a bit as the dragon shifted, and Lucas saw a wooden figure in the pile of treasure, one that looked strikingly similar to Logan, albeit with a scratch over it’s heart.

Logan. The man who promised the curious young scholar all secrets of the world, in attempt to satisfy their hunger for knowledge. He was like a father that appreciated his intelligence, unlike his biological one who wanted him to follow his footsteps into turning logs of wood into toys and trinkets. No. Logan appreciated his true skills and nurtured them, and finally, Lucas could fulfill his final task, the last step to reveal the ultimate mysteries of the world to the both of them.

“I see. You humans are indeed… Interesting. I grant you one reward. You may take the World’s Tome, if you wish. Take it back to your master. Or…” He pondered, a claw on his chin, looking at the ceiling as he was thinking. Leaving Lucas in suspense until his head lowered again and his eyes locked with Lucas’ glimmering, curious pair. “You may take the ring and a small pouch of gold. ” The dragon gave what could pass as a smile. “Perhaps I am too sentimental for my own good. Come, pupil of Logan, beloved of Emily. Take your prize, for your courage and dreams.” Said the dragon, who settled in, to watch as Lucas made his choice.

It was an easy one. At least… Now it was. Finally, his path was clear. Striding with radiant confidence, Lucas approached what was most important to him, and reached to take it into his hands and change the path of his life forever...

Author Note

Thank you for reading The Dragon’s Hoard.

Please provide feedback by following the link below to fill in a review form.

http://goo.gl/forms/fVeYxqQ0mS

Author's Note

I'd appreciate it if you would also fill out the form linked in at the end. My reason for this is to see what you would do, and why. This is because I wonder how I presented each choice. Thank you.

Reviews

[rowanoaksquare]

My biggest advice is to replace the past tense with the present. (was with is) This will make the story more engaging for the reader. Also I feel its lacking a true climax. It just fell flat in my opinion. With that being said there is potential here and I have seen far more terrible short stories from first timers. I wish you the best in your future writing.

[Andrew Ballard]

Thank you for saying so. I really appreciate it.

If I may ask, what, in your opinion, would add a true climax to this? Without changing the core concept, which would be the build to and the final choice (or lack thereof)?

[FaeryQueen]

a lengthy read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kaliope]

Quick disclaimer: Please note that everything I'm going to say is purely based on opinion, therefore nothing I say is - or can ever be - entirely objective. I'm just trying my best to give honest and constructive feedback :-)

First advice: get rid of the ellipses. They look and sound great in the writer's mind but not in the reader's (nor a publisher's afaik). Unless the dragon is eating the protagonist in the middle of the dialog there's no excuse for not finishing a sentence properly ;-) Okay, I'm exaggerating but seriously - cut them down to an absolute minimum.

Second issue: flashbacks. They're incredibly tricky to do right and should be avoided at almost all costs. They slow the story mercilessly down and your audience is usually skimming over them, asking: when does the plot continue? Just imagine you'd be playing the story as a game, you're standing before a mighty, intimidating dragon, you're anxious, ready for action and then there's a cut scene to a study/library or a tavern. It dissolves the tension and leaves the audience with a feeling that nothing is at stake. My advice is to work the conflict of interest in in other ways.

One last thing - this sentence: "The young man in front of him was so similar to his old friend...". You're suddenly changing the perspective here and then switch right back to Lucas' pov, that's confusing.

Apart from these structural issues your style is quite good, you use active language and imho past tense works fine for the story. I think I wouldn't mind too much that there is no resolution if I really felt the tension of Lucas' conflict throughout the story. So all in all, with a bit of editing this could be a really good story, it definitely has potential.

[Chris]

Stories of this genre have always been pretty interesting to me and there's always different ways of making it stand out and be its own thing and even though I only read this short excerpt I feel like your story has potential to branch out. So definitely keep at it! One thing I wanted to ask was about Lucas' "hot-headed accomplice". It kind of just seemed like he was alive one minute and then it just jumps to when he's in a crisp. Did the dragon kill him or something? I would clarify a little more on that and maybe even describe the moment the dragon attacks him. Anyway, it's all just my opinion. Really interesting work though!

[Andrew Ballard]

Thank you for reading!

As for the barbarian, he was dead at the beginning of the story, from the first word to when his corpse was mentioned. But i can see what you mean.