change (1)

When i was 9 he and i were best friends

But when i turned 12 it all had to end.

He moved to Delaware to go for another

He left with no care, left me no brother.

On my 17th birthday he came back.

He called and asked me if i could help him unpack.

So i drove to his house and couldn't believe,

he had changed so much i'd wanted him to leave

because i had based all my morals

upon this one boy

and now all our quarrels

were over things like toys.

Except the toys weren't barbies, trucks and dolls,

instead more like rights, wrongs, and cell phone calls.

He called me one day

and ditched me the next.

I had so much to say

but none to expect.

So my best friend Harry was no longer more,

instead in his place, was a hard locked door.

Author's Note

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't care if you think its really bad just tell me.

Reviews

[Elandra]

Great work! Had an overall feeling to it that made me a little sad after reading it. It's true how people and things can change so much. I liked how both of the first lines used numbers - clever way to begin and caught my attention. The only thing I have to point out is that at times the rhyme scheme felt forced. For instance the line "So my best friend Harry was no longer more," managed to rhyme with the following line but didn't quite make sense to me. Don't sacrifice clarity and emotion for rhyme. ;)

Great work and great subject matter. I'm very interested in reading more of your poetry.

[Tallulah]

I really liked this piece, especially the image of the locked door. There is a slight issue with the flow because some parts ryhme and others don't. These breaks cause a slight stumble when the poem is being read. Aside from that this piece is pretty good and I love the story it tells. I can especially relate to and i bet many other people can too.

[Ryan Heisel]

very minor flow issues, but other than that, very impressive writing. it was short and straight to the point and gave a great image. i look forward to your next!