Haikus For a Sad Boy

Haikus For a Sad Boy

A Poem by butt muncher
"

Consider the moon When your head is in your hands Consider its glow

"
The grass seemed wetter
When you walked away from me
And didn't look back

Your silence still shocks
I should know better by now
No decency, none

Your voice stings my ears
You would never burden me
If it cracked or choked

They say blood is blue
Before it hits oxygen
False, but not for you

© 2015 butt muncher


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Reviews

These aren't really haikus by definition. Yes they hold the 5 7 5 pattern but the structure for a haiku isn't there. Mattavelli has a poetry write up challenge and could really help your poems become haiku.
No offense but if these were lighthearted they would make perfect senryu.

Posted 9 Years Ago


butt muncher

9 Years Ago

By structure do you mean content? I know that haikus tend to be about nature, but every source I've .. read more
Joshua Carl Cruz

9 Years Ago

the form is seventeen syllables long, or less if youre japonese the character to syllable translatio.. read more
I dig it, especially the very last haiku, nice punch to that ending line. The only line I didn't quite understand was "Your voice strings my ears", not sure if that was a typo or if you used a definition of string that I can't think of right now. Otherwise you did a great job of four haikus that stand perfectly strong on their own, but also work well together. Thanks for the good read!

Posted 9 Years Ago


butt muncher

9 Years Ago

I meant to write string, thank you for pointing that out :)
butt muncher

9 Years Ago

****sting. d****t.
JustinCorrigible

9 Years Ago

Haha, autocorrect can be a craft bench that way. No wait, I mean crafty *****...

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530 Views
2 Reviews
Added on August 9, 2015
Last Updated on August 11, 2015
Tags: haiku, poem, sad, hope, depression, moon, nature, gore

Author

butt muncher
butt muncher

NC



About
My stories suck but I share them anyway in case someone thinks otherwise. I mostly write plays because even though I find that my stronger area of writing comes with my narration opposed to the dialog.. more..

Writing