Letter 12: To The One That Holds The Only Hate In My Heart

I hope I never have to deal with this ever again

Russell Leach,

 

Its is hard to even type your name let alone think about you because you are apart of the deepest and darkest part of my life. I’m actually almost of afraid of writing this to you because I don’t know how might react once I’m done saying all I need to say. I originally had an ex boyfriend as the person I hated the most but there is one person I hate and fear more…That’s where you come in. I’m finally going to say all that I’m ever going to need to say. Russell Leach, you are truly the one person I hold in my memory forever as the one that I hold the most hatred for.

 

You married my mom six months after dating her and that’s when the nightmare begins. You soon succumb to the alcohol and beat my mom when we weren’t around.  And soon you did that too when we were around. But most of these memories are only ripped up pages of a tragedy. The real thing that happened that forever scared me was the night you took it too far. And almost killed my mother and possibly my brother and I if God wasn’t watching over us.

 

You locked us up in our rooms but we were hiding in my brother’s closet when you would finally make the push that sent my mothers world crashing down. You pushed her down a flight of stairs intoxicated with 18 20-ounce cans of beer in your system with the clouded but strong intent to kill her.  I don’t know whether it was a dream or if it actually happened but I remember the look on my mothers face when she realized she wasn’t dead.  Next thing I knew we were being escorted downstairs by someone I don’t remember who but all I do know was looking into the cops face and seeing the horror on his face to realize children were here to see all of this. You tried to make it look like my mom was the drunken one but children’s eyes are way too honest and told the entire story of what happened that night. 

 

I remember my mothers face full of shock and fear. Her face had a gash of blood and bruises all over her body. That was the most vulnerable I ever saw her. My dad picked us up from my aunt’s house and kept us until my mom could take us someplace safe. My father was horrified to see what happened and what his children had to witness. You even told him that you were going to take us away from my mother in a drunken stupor. My dad told me that he would have killed you then and there and even though my mom went through hell that night, she finally snapped when you said that.  And the worst part…you were a cop.

 

Its sad to say that after this happened officially ten years ago, I only remember this now because my mother told the experience to a friend of mine and now you still haunt me even to this day. I have night terrors because of the nightmare that still linger in my mind. The look if evil in those eyes and how you looked at us as if you hated us come to mind in the night terrors. The night playing back over again as if it were a horror story. I wake up with cold tears and a shaky body every time these nightmares come around.

 

You killed apart of the child in me that night. But this is where I will take my stand. You didn’t tear my mother, my brother or me down. We became stronger than you ever could be. And now you are either dead or in medical coma last time we checked. We heard you killed a woman trying to push her off the roof but she dragged you down with her.  I hope that with this letter, I can finally put these terrors to rest and finally move on with my life. I will shine brighter because I know what its like to know darkness.  You may have made my life a living hell with the after affects of that night, but I’ll make my life something worthwhile and you won’t ever stop me ever again

 

Jazmine