Flight

Flight

 

I emerge from my cocoon, wings soaping wet

The air is harsh, my flesh raw

Natural silence causes me to quake

My strength under arrest

Breadcrumbs lye sordid

Disillusion is my guide

Author's Note

how is my visual imagery? what do you think of the general style? grammar?

Reviews

[Neon]

Visual Imaginary's nice and realistic. In this world .. every-body wanna take flight to touch the sky to live in peace with love... and yeah, disillusion's what that guides the path of the life to walk on to move on lightly ... to understand the things and the meaning of life to run with it nicely.

I think the general style's cool, the poem's not so big, not so short .. it's perfectly cool and penned with the nice words, i'd love to say that your words're very powerful ..only few words made much impact on mah mind to read it carefully and understanding it brightly.

Yeah.. Grammar's perfect .. i didn't find any error in yer grammar.

The whole piece's very nice, i loved the theme.
Keep on!

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

This is downright depressing. It's like there's this person with all this potential, but they're only going to end up misguided and unhappy.

[Brett Campaigne]

you offer new texture and perspective to a poetic event that is written often, exempting it from cliche. When i read your poetry you have these concentrated moments within a poem that leave you aghast with the depth packed into a line or a stanza. One question though... did you mean to spell 'lye' that way?

[ShadowWolf]

Very good! It causes one to pause and thing.

[Lyra H]

Yu,p visual imagery looking good!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Soaping wet? Never heard that one before. Sopping? yes, soaking? yes but not soaping. And lye is a caustic chemical so I don't know what it has to do with breadcrumbs. hmmm. Is the lye related to the soap? As in lye soap? I could not relate to disillusion being a guide either, because one who is disillusioned is generally lost. I like the cocoon and the insect emerging as you present it though. I think the logical progression leaves much to be desired here.

[RHEA CROSLEY]

I like the imagery I can feel it. And many times new beginnings feel like this. It is insightful but not a state I want to perpetually be in. Thanks

[Treasaigh (The Solitar..]

Your words are well crafted, visual imagery is something you captured quite well.
Amazing piece.

[J.P. Bristow]

I really like the imagery here...but I wonder at the first line did you really mean soaping wet or did you mean sopping wet?---I am always curious about word choice. A good write.

[Vannah]

very good desciption...I like the style...grammar was fine by me but I suck at grammer...Over all very good...