Dani??

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I woke up to this sound. I was in a clean, white bed. Everything smelled strongly of rubbing alcohol. For a second I was confused, but then I remembered what had happened. I raised my hand to my head. There was a small bandage there. My arm was in a cast. But otherwise, I was fine. Somebody was sitting next to my bed. I turned my head, surprised when it didn’t cause me agony. It was Dylan. He smiled wryly.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Shouldn’t you be with Dani? And how long have I been out?”

“The doctor told me you were about to wake up, so I came in here. You’ve been in here three days. Dani just woke up about an hour ago.”  

“I need to go see her.” I got out of bed. It was easier than I had expected. There was an I.V stand. I held on to that as I stood up.

“Sam, wait! You need to know that-” But I wasn’t listening. I was already down the hall. I could tell which room was Dani’s, because she had so much family and relatives that a few of them were outside. I didn’t meet too much resistance on my way to her door. I pushed it open. She was lying there, in bed. She had large bald patches on her head, and cuts. That was probably where they had removed the glass. She was covered in other small cuts and bruises, but nothing was in a cast.

“Oh, my god!” I said. “Dani, I am really sorry. I mean, I know you’re not badly hurt, but still it was mostly my fault and I’m so sorry, and . . .” She gave me a puzzled look.

“Sorry, who are you?”

“Retrograde Amnesia.” The doctor told us. “Most likely trauma. She appears to have no head injuries. And head injury related amnesia is most often antegrade, which is a problem making future memories.” If Dani were here, she’d be fascinated. But she wasn’t. Dani, as I knew her, was gone. The only person left was this strange girl, who I did not know, who did not know me, and who did not know herself.

“Will she get her memories back?” Dylan asked.

“Most likely. It is impossible to tell when though. It could be a week, it could be a year.” The doctor said. My best friend had amnesia. My mom was in a coma (I had discovered this shortly after discovering Dani’s amnesia.) And it was all my fault.  I sighed. How would we ever get Dani back? Just then, my phone rang. It was my brother, Seth. I stepped out in the hall.

“Hey, Seth. What’s up in Ohio?” I asked. See, our parents divorced almost four years ago. Seth went with Dad, I went with mom.

“Oh, not much. My best friend Myra confessed she’s a lesbian, my other friend betrayed us, Myra’s dad is an a*****e, and Myra’s girlfriend Kana and I just beat up a guy who tried to rape Myra. You know, the usual.”

“My best friend’s got amnesia, and moms in a coma.”I said. “So, yeah.”

“I know. I heard about the accident. By the way, Dani’s the one you’ve had a crush on forever, right?”

“Yes. Now shut up before someone hears you.” So Seth immediately started singing.

“Sam’s got a crush! Sam’s got a crush! Sam likes Dani!” I groaned.

“Goodbye, Seth.”

“Bye, Sam. Just calling to check up on you.” He hung up. I rolled my eyes. What a pain.

“Do you wish she remembered you?” Dylan asked me. I jumped. I hadn’t heard him come up behind me.

“Of course I do. But . . .”

“But what?”

“But she doesn’t remember her dad. She doesn’t remember Jack. She doesn’t remember anything painful. So while I want her to remember me, I also don’t want her to get any of her memories back. And if that means forgetting me, then . . .” I shrugged, walked back into Dani’s room, and sat down. Maybe it would be better if she didn’t get her memories back.

            Dani?

Who was Dani? Was I Dani? No. I knew that I might have once been Dani, but I wasn’t anymore. Whoever Dani was, she was gone for now. I might not have known anything about myself, but I knew that. The guy who was called Sam was sitting next to me again. Whoever this Dani girl was, he really cared about her.

“So, what am I like?” I asked him.

“Well, you love sports. You’re an insufferable prankster. You’re funny. You’re the toughest person I know. You don’t take any crap from anyone.” I smiled.

“Okay. I guess I can deal with that.” I laughed. He turned his face away.

“You sound so much like her.” He said

“I should hope so. I am her, just with no memories.”

“No, I mean, when you talk to people. You say the exact things she would.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay. Hey, the good news is, you’re getting discharged today.” He told me. I grinned.

“Good, I hate hospitals.”

“You always did.” He said. I smiled.

Later that day, when I made it home, everyone met me at the door with a cake! I laughed.

“Thank you!” I ate at least three pieces. The food in hospitals sucks. After that, Dylan made me lie down in our room.

“Dylan?” I asked him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll ever get my memories back?” He was silent for a moment.

“Yes, I think you will.”

“Good. I’m sick of everybody looking at me like they pity me. And I can barely remember most of them. My last memory is in second grade, for heavens sake!” He sighed.

“Trust me, Dani. You’ll get your memories back.”

“K.” I said, suddenly feeling sleepy. Somehow, I must have fallen asleep.

I was in a jungle. It was dark, and I was running. Or, at least trying too. It was really hard to get my feet to move. From what, I didn’t know, but I knew that if I stopped, I would die. I was suddenly in a clearing. I could see someone trapped in a cage.  There was a bubble around her face.She was small, and dirty, huddled on the ground. She looked up at me, and I gasped. It was me.

“Dani. Dani!” Dylan said. I sat bolt upright, heart beating fast, breathing out of control. “It’s okay. It was just a dream.”

“Dylan! Oh, it was awful!” I cried.

“Do you want to tell us about it?” He asked, sounding very much like a counselor. Us? I looked around. Oh, Sam was here too.

“Well,” I said shakily, “I was in this jungle. And it was really dark. And I was running from something. But it was really hard to run. It was like I was in slow-mo. I got into this clearing, and there was somebody, laying there on the ground. She was in this cage, and there was this bubble thing on her face. And it was me!”  Dylan pulled out his phone.

“Okay. To dream about a jungle means that there is chaos and confusion in your life, and that you are struggling with yourself. Obviously. To dream about running, but not as fast as you want, means you are lacking self esteem and confidence. Interesting. And as for seeing your face . . . You’re not expressing your feelings enough. You’re keeping too much inside. Now, for the cage . . . You are experiencing loss of control, feeling restricted.” I nodded. Wow. Who knew dreams could be interpreted so well?

    The rest of that week was a blur for me. I don’t remember much. Jumbled images would pop into my mind, then disappear just like that. Sam came over friday night. Not to sleep, we had rented a movie. But I dozed off halfway through, to a horrifying yet exhilarating dream.

    I was underwater, trying desperately to reach the surface. But there were chains holding me to the floor. I kicked, and fought. Finally, the chains broke. I kicked my legs. My head broke the surface.

    I woke up screaming. Sam and Dylan standing above me. Me. Dani Thompson. With all her memories intact. Me. I was me again!

    “Oh.” I said. And then I was laughing.

    “Dani?” Dylan said curiously.

    “Yup! Dani Thompson, best friend of Sam Miller, twin sister of Dylan Thompson, the girl who got kicked off the baseball team, the girl who almost went to the dance with Jack, the girl who remembers everything!” Dylan grinned.

    “You remember!” He shouted.

“Yes!” I shouted back. And then the three of us were jumping up and down on the bed with joy. Needless to say, everybody was up in my room in an instant. I’m glad that day was so good. Because the next day was hell.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I glanced over at Sam. There was a tear sliding down the side of his face. His mother was dying, the doctors had told him. Nothing they could do, sorry. So we were paying her one last visit. And then it happened. If there is any sound as heartbreaking as the flatlining of a machine, it’s your best friends sobs, when his mothers heart stops. I wished I could somehow ease his pain, make it go away. In that moment, If I could have traded my life for his mothers, I would have.

    “I should call Seth.” He said eventually. I nodded. He stepped out into the hall to make his call.