ignore it

its not gonna go away
if i ignore it
but thats all that i can do right now
to keep me on my feet
the days are added weight
to weary shoulders
to drag through a life i hate
i gotta figure this all out somehow

the problem throbs away
no matter how old the wound
it makes me feel pathetic
i don't know the first thing
about healing

and all the ghosts of former loves
that haunt the rooms in my house
the places in my mind
where they are placed
at the moment they walk away

you can only tolerate
such a broken man
for so long
before you realize
that its infecting your own life
and he is malignant
like the worst of cancer

i miss you
god, i miss you

so selfish and narcissistic
this malfunction in my brain
this malady in my blood
turns the strongest stomachs
pushes away the best things for me
bp 158 over 140
I'm waiting for my heart to explode

I'm always sorry
for the way i am
but the fact that i can function at all
is nothing short
of a small miracle
i've seen horrors
that would make your bones ache
i will never be better
just a hard passable

i will always regret you walking away
but i will always understand why
i will always miss you
and in the right circumstances
will fight back tears
life was never going to be good for me
this was always meant to fall apart