I Hate My Reflection

Sometimes what we see in the mirror can hurt.

I’m coming apart at the seams

I no longer feel whole

 

These tears fall so willingly now

Slowly I’ve become someone I despise

 

I HATE MY REFLECTION; I think it lies

The sad eyes that look back

The crooked smile that just won’t leave

I hate to see the bruises

The purple, the blues

The fingerprints across my spine

The hand marks pressed up against my thighs

Oh, how awful they all look

How weak I must seem to you now

 

Once upon a time I did try running away

Leaving the pain behind

Becoming the strong woman I was before

But suddenly you found me

 

I HATE MY REFLECTION; I don’t think it tells the truth

It doesn’t see that shining light in my soul

It fails to capture the innocence in my eyes

Or the beauty in my neck line

 

You found me smiling

You found me happy

You found me healing

And I fell for your charm once again

Believed you when you swore you were a changed man

Believed in your soul when you promised that you would never hurt me again

 

But I’m here once more

With a twisted spine, and brittle bones

 

I HATE MY REFLECTION; I think it just wants to see me fall

 It only shows my failures

Forgetting how hard I try

 

You pledge that I belong to you

These bruises are your proof of claim

Who would want me now you yell?

Who could possibly love such a mutilated heart you scream?

 

 

… So here I stay

Addicted to the taste of my own blood

Obsessed with your rough kisses, and your fumbled embraces that sometimes sting

Captivated by your pride, in awe of your sudden lies

How easily you twist the truth

 

You use to love so easily

You use to laugh so sweetly

But now I walk on shattered glass in your presence

Praying for the pain to stop

Hoping for you to finally look me in the eyes and exclaim you love me

Wishing that one day you would see how much you’ve broken me

 

I HATE MY REFLECTION; I only see the scars

All the humiliating flaws

But it forgets to show my faded beauty, my romantic soul

I’m more than just blemishes and marks

 

So here I stand

A lover so misled

An enthusiast so misguided

A devoted spirit with absolutely nothing left to give

 

 

 

3/6/11

Reviews

[Xeru]

You are an intellectual athlete with the words and expressions. Or an emotional athlete with stance and control. Either way.. You are an amazing writer. Because its real s**t expressed accurately. A very vivid account into the artistic mind of a woman and what is happening when trust is lost and then she no longer trust herself.

She acknowledges her power by recognizing something is wrong in this piece. The relationship with self.. which causes the relationships with everything else to fall off. You narrate cycle of cycle why the character acknowledges the real (faith) and (self knowledge) over the presentation of the worlds vision of her etched in a Queen's face.

Its a beautiful thing to die to the world and live threw your true spirit. Great writing flex Queen of Judah..

Shalam

[barleygirl]

This is a stunning message that SHOWS how this woman is trapped by her own perceptions of herself, as so many women are . . . even if not an abusive situation, too many people (both genders) see themselves as broken or unworthy & so that's how they operate in the world. The strongest aspect of your poem is how there's a palpable wavering from start to finish, where we feel this narrator growing a spine, but then that flickers out, over & over . . . which is EXACTLY how it feels to be around someone you love who cannot kick an addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, or relationships. The repeated title line is very symbolic, as being the way we perceive ourselves. So much to love about this hard-hitting poem! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

I know that feeling well~ all too well~ and I can say it NEVER gets better~ they don't EVER change~ but what a task it is for the lavender bruised girls we are to move past the fists and cutting words into something melodious and true~ we are creatures of habit~ even to our own distress~
powerful with imagery replete throughout that made me ache for the narrator as if I were experiencing every bruise and each ounce of emotional pain~

[Tasha]

This is such a sad story, but written so beautifully. I hope things have gotten better for you, but you did an outstanding job with words.

best wishes,
~ Kocholate :)