Foolishness

I’ve been foolish

I’ll be the first to admit it

My little girl mistakes cost me more than I thought

I committed actions in the pretense of innocence

I opened up my heart with the thought of happiness

But somewhere in the middle I lost me

I wanted to be loved so deeply, so intensely

Every fiber in my body was willing to be used freely

All you had to do was look in my eyes

And promise to hold my hands

And kiss me like you meant it

I just wanted to feel love

To feel human, even if it was just for a second

 

I was foolish when I met you

Foolish to believe in your every word

When you wrote with such eloquence

 “This has to be love …”

I should’ve shook my head with intended ignorance

But instead I dropped my guard

And allowed you to kiss my little girl lips

I was never complex; you read my desires like a book

My thoughts flowed openly

No more secrets were kept within

 You became the mystery my heart clog to

 

You met me and saw something easy

Took my willing lips and laid your lips upon them

Constantly whispering in my ear sweet lullabies

Insisting that this was anything but fake

But I was never your equal

Your words always left me dumbfounded

Your actions left my body in complete awe

Then suddenly you took my lips and kissed them

Claiming, “This just isn’t going to work out … But thanks …”

 

THANKS!!!!

You just robbed me of my innocence

Pulled my heart out of my chest

Stomped on every secret I whispered to you in the dark

I contemplated suicide

Thought of setting my body on fire

Anything to allow me to forget about you

And you had the audacity to ask me later if we could still be friends

… And I’m the cold hearted b***h?!

 

… It felt like I finally put myself back together when I met him

He seemed completely different

A huge transformation than what I became use to

Mister #2 who instantly became top priority

The predator that preyed upon young souls

 The monster with so much rage within

He left black and purple portraits up and down my arms

Insisting that this “treatment” was how he showed his love

This treatment was the fault of my own

Slowly I learned how to hide the bruises

Swiftly I became an expert full of excuses

An excuse to explain my bruised wrist

An excuse to explain the purple marks under my cheek bone

Even when I felt his hands hard against my neck

I registered it as an act of my own clumsiness

 

Constantly he claimed he loved me

Loved me intensely that he just lost control at times

Suddenly my face matched my arms

Prints of five across my cheek

He turned the art of love into a raging war

Making me understand that love and pain aren’t one of the same

But still I stayed …

 

My voice was gone

My eyes were always glazed, no more tears

He had me convinced that my worth was diminished unless he had me

He “loved” me as I limped on

He loved even as the scars lingered on

He loved me urgently as I claimed

I “fell” down staircases or suddenly lost my “balance”

A sudden invasion of my body, an invasion of every pore

I bled outwardly while drowning inwardly

Choking on his performances of “affection” towards me

 

My love for him slowly turned into hate

I couldn’t understand why love would hurt so much

Why bruises of affection couldn’t turn into kisses of praise

The blues and grays of my body blended

Soo sweetly as I suddenly realized that this just wasn’t worth it anymore

My foolishness exploded into oblivion

No longer could I be broken down

He threaten me

Yelling that I would die by his hands before I left him

Yelling that my place would always be by his side

I shook my head, my first act of defiance

I left my foolishness behind me

I limped away

Looking constantly up at the sky

Realizing that I’m no longer a young girl

I’ve transformed into a much wiser woman

Author's Note

For a friend, she went through something so horrific and finally she grew strong enough to walk away.... I know its really long, but I just couldn't help myself.

Reviews

[Akshat♥]

I really sad after reading this :(
you described so well that i felt so bad..
why lovely someone so hard...
making someone dear know that you really love..
but when you get hatred back..this is what makes us tear apart..
really emotional... i'm speechless:(