You Lied

for a past love...

Every now and then I get flashbacks

I see you so clearly

Hear you call my name so loudly

Sometimes I even think I feel you slightly touch my hand

 

But I know it’s just my mind playing tricks on me

Just my heart refusing to heal

My soul trying to find you

 

When I cried you were always there to wipe away my tears

Now these tears just fall so willingly

Without any fear of being wiped away

Without any concern of being destroyed

This pain is just too deep

 

You promised me you wouldn’t leave

Swore that this disease wouldn’t possibly take you away from me

You assured me you were winning

 

When I cried you were always there to wipe away my tears

But now I’m here alone

Accepting condolences and sympathy

Hearing stories of when you were at your best

Jokes that describe you as a saint

 

…. I would’ve given my soul to save you

My heart if it meant you could’ve held me just a little bit longer

 

They say you lived a long life

Age 76, married for 56 years, 5 kids, 6 grandchildren

But they don’t understand

They can’t understand

 

You were so much more than that to me

You were my heart, my essence, my core

You saw the good in me when no one else did

You saw the man in me when I couldn’t

 

But you lied …

You didn’t stay

 

You told me you were tired

Tired of fighting, tired of struggling

The disease was slowly winning

 

I tried my best to assure you that you were strong enough

To reassure you that the battle was almost over, the cancer was almost gone

 

But I could tell by the look in your eyes that you were gradually slipping away from me

Bit by bit this disease was taking away the woman I loved

Bit by bit my heart was breaking

 

Now it’s six months later

And still I hurt 

It still feels like I’ll come home one day and there you’ll be

Sitting on the porch patiently waiting for me

 

I hope your happy now

I hope the pain is gone

And one day I hope to be my your side once again my love

 

 

 

2/24/11

Reviews

[Kiri Nells]

I got teary after reading this, honestly. I don't think I could manage losing a loved one. I've lost plenty of family, but I barely knew them, or didn't know they existed until they were gone. Nothing like this. I thought about my cursed town, 3 young adults died in the last year to some freak accident or suicide. I remember watching my friends cry and almost kill themselves. For such a small, uneventful town, it was a tragedy. That's what people said, anyway. We all knew that only a handful would truly feel bad, everyone else just played along. It's sad to lose someone, or even think about losing someone. Great write!

[Xeru]

Deep pain expressed.. I feel you. Its hard on the mind, heart, and person. Great piece in its core ability of expression tho. The stages of it indicated a strong mind but a broken heart. Definately can relate. Powerful in its core realness. The conflict on the inside that jumps between content and betrayal and disappointment and love. Hard to stabilize all of those emotions in conjunction but it seems this piece did just that. Great piece in its truth.

1

[Matthew Smith]

Oh, wow, brutally sad. It's like a straight-forward, soul-crushing confession. Good poem, sad poem, sometimes those things are one and the same.