a dream i once had

this is a poem a made in school one day

A dream I once had about my world up in

illuminating flames giving off a cold depressing

blue light showing me the true power of

my mind going wild as I sleep watching my

thoughts pass by watching my pain terrorize

my thoughts and as I gazed I felt myself

awakening and I wanted to continue forth

into my dream until it faded away and I was

told I was late for school.

Author's Note

a came up with this story in class one day

Reviews

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

This is not half bad, not half bad at all.
Slight criticism. Using punctuation and Capitals would make this an easier and more effective read.
The words you use are great, Very descriptive. Very nice twist at the end. I love poetry that has humour.
I think you should re write it with correct grammar and it would be good enough to enter in contests.
If you'd like me to help just let me know.
Best regards. Clive.

[Lino Rie]

Tehehe. The end made me laugh a little and brightened my day.

[quarintine_deathangel]

I'll help you edit ^.~ XD It's excellent vocabulary wise, especially with your vibrant imagery! If you edit this right it'll bring out much more emotion and the true power of the words. Great job, yet you have much to learn young Padawan.