The Beginning

Dark clouds rolled over tall spires that nearly struck the heavens.

            The sky rumbled with its anger and despair, dropping tears as it spread over the sloping hills. The kingdom of Ieslal mourned a great tragedy. Its lands wept at the loss no one was ever expecting.

            The king sat on his throne, head in hand, sneer on his face as he contemplated on what needed to be done. The queen was dead. Gone with the birth of his fourth child: a stillborn boy. A second son would have ensured his lineage to carry on and now, he would need to protect his only son with all that he had. That was his only heir. His two daughters were not allowed or fit to rule Ieslal and he would see them married off to the dukes of his lands.

            One son was all that he had now. One tiny child with mixed blood and much sharper features than his father, would rule the kingdom. He would be the future long after the king was gone or even before. That was his only requirement from his disgraced wife: to bear heirs. Sure, he could remarry but Illon had been a political and monetary alliance, joining two lands together to create an expanded kingdom across Asna. No other maiden was available nor were any other politics to worry about at the moment. The king sighed and stood up, fists clenched by his side as his only son approached his throne. A jeer slid across his face as he thought of the many ways he could keep his heir from straying away of the idea of being king. He will be harsh and ruthless.

            The prince will be his heir. His lineage, his beneficiary, his legacy.

            Davorin Blackenthor will make sure of that. 

Reviews

[Leon C]

Nice opening. Nice imagery and prose.

However, the last line is in the present tense and the rest is in the past tense. so WILL should be WOULD

2nd sentence is odd, the sky appears to be spreading across the land. I think that should be storm clouds but it didn't read that way.

Sorry to be picky. I did enjoy this and I am intrigued by the story.

[Ja Strangelyn]

Thank you for your review and no need to apologize! I understand that my words aren't perfect. I will make changes eventually. I had found this and had forgotten about this idea until fairly recently so these few chapters are really the first draft as opposed to my other novel which is on its third draft. Thank you again and I will address these errors!