For William

Sometimes you just want to really be there for your children.....

 

I’ll take all your pain,

Dry your tears and blood,

Cool your fever,

Slow your racing heart.

 

I’ll be your hero,

Be the best man I can,

Be someone to talk to,

Be more that I am able.

 

I’ll sit in the dark,

My hand on your shoulder,

Your counsellor, guardian,

Guide and soldier.

 

I’ll show you the way,

Give footprints to follow,

A path in the forest,

A boat on the ocean.

 

And when I must leave you,

To journey alone,

Remember these words, son,

And I’ll see you soon.

Reviews

[A sea person]

Fantastically well written! So easy to relate to, be it from the side of the parent or the side of the child.

The imagery is brilliant. The lines, "A path in the forest, / A boat on the ocean" reaffirm the speaker's commitment to the audience (the son).

The only critique I have regards your use of capitalism in the final stanza. "Remember these words, Son," capitalizes the word Son, but this can be mistaken as the Son of the Trinity. It's obvious from the structure and word choice of the last stanza that it is not possible for the Son referenced to be Jesus, but the ability to misconstrue is still there. Also, it should only be capitalized if you are using the word as a name. If the speaker is calling him his son, it should not be capitalized. But I'm not entirely sure how you were trying to frame that last stanza, so work it however you want.

Other than that, excellent job!

v.r.
Ryan

[Bubo]

You've put into words what so many fathers only wish they could voice to their children, beautiful flow and the emotion is warm,giving, and so loving.