March 4th 2008

Unable to be there for someone in life...and in death

I heard you died on March 4th,

Three weeks ago now, seems news like that travels slowly,

By now you're cold and still, asleep in the earth's caress,

A silken pillow to comfort your skull,

Beneath a blanket of freshly turned soil,

Perhaps a flower or two remains

To bend in the winter wind.

 

I knew you better than the world did,

You told me that last year,

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you in your death

As I wasn't in your life,

Sorry's not even close.

You didn't exist in my "real world" you said,

You knew your place and I knew mine

And they were never the same.

 

We met once, do you remember?

And it was everything we said it would be in all of our writings and calls and texts,

We knew it would be,

It had to be....we were meant to be.

We shared a rapturous lifetime in those four hours together as the world slept,

When our "real" lives slept.

You were ill then, but we devoured each other like ravenous wolves,

A frenzied madness born of aching, needing wanting of interminable denial.

 

You remember my next letter I imagine? So do I.

The hurtful, shameful, foul lies I wrote to push you away,

You said you thought that night was the start of the beginning,

Never imagining it was the start of the end.

You see, we were too close, I blamed the way your illness had ravaged your shell.

But it was I that was ravaged by guilt and hurt and weakness and the words just spilled onto the page,

Like rotting blood; your rotting blood...

 

So that was that. Over like we knew it had to be.

I was married and so were you.

Back to my "real" life and you to yours.

Then I heard you died on March 4th.

And now I need to see you again,

To grieve in private, say goodbye alone, hold you safe within me,

Like I always have......

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ari]

In some places this felt very informal and unpolished, and in others very formal and delicate. Throughout I could feel your emotion, and the ending is sublime.

[Catastrophe]

That's probably one of the saddest things i've read in a while; it just tugs at my heart.
Each stanza is a different story, yet the pain and hurt gets deeper and deeper as i read.
Its a very beautiful poem, well written.

Great Job