Ode To A Rose

Her lips a swelling of engorged blood
ache to be to be drained
by anothers mouth,
I see the longing in her eyes
and feel my heart stop
feel my pulse race and skip
I could fall into her a thousand days
and nights
Drape the moon in her satin
expose the flesh of the sun
with the radiance of her smile
to lay with her is to dread the passing of time
to curse mortality and its swiftness
to lay with her is bliss wrapped around
my waist
to exist within her is pure nirvanic joy
if the universe could smile it would
choose to smile always upon her....
 

Reviews

[Érenn]

Man you sucker punched me with this one.... For someone like me this is a poem that resonates with me. The love you show for her here, does remind me of the love I had for one once..... Ok now about the poem itself, the no breaks and making separate verses gives me the feeling that this one literally flowed out of your mouth without any second thoughts and no real edits were ever made to this piece. The other thing is because of that the flow maintained here is excellent, not to mention your wordsmithing is something I have come to like a lot. ^^ The imagery produced here is not only vivid but also very smart. I like how you have expressed the Arabian Nights (1001 days and nights) here. I like this one a lot for many reasons. Really glad I read this one Thank you for sharing ^^

[Moon]

Very sweet, your love for her seems quite strong. Nice write !

[Sports Girl]

This was really well written. It was good.

[Desert Dreamer]

Great writing on the subject of love...the longing, the falling, the smiling...I enjoyed it all. Beautifully written, with hints of sensuality throughout.

[Amelia Harris]

A very visually enchanting piece, such poignant words as well.
On the verge of sensuality yet, just enough to keep ignite imagination.
Keep up the great work : )

[Alessander]

The very first line is a hell of a hook - her lips a swelling of engorged blood (this is what I thought your other poem lacked) is a great line, followed by equally descriptive and almost metaphysical grandeur. The last line is just as good, and if you were aiming to swoon, then I think you've done that. The only suggestion I would have is to be a bit more descriptive, specific in a few places - so for instance, "bliss" I want more than that abstract word, and ditto for "nirvanic joy"...but I understand the sentiments, and the imagery and wording really do create an ode....

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

sensual velvet~ there's a hint of Shehrezade reversed like mythical undercurrent~

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

Beautiful..your words flow with such ease,like a cascade of pure blue..:).I wish you would add punctuation marks,but then i think sometimes it is okay to do with them.This is fine without them too,but i feel you should try using them in your other writes.They simply add more impact.I could fall into her a thousand days
and nights..that line was breathtaking..
I somehow feel nirvanic joy doesn't fit in here.It expresses what you intend to say well but still..but then that is what i feel..
Poignant,beautiful and smooth as satin..

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

I could fall into her a thousand days
and nights

now that is an exquisite line.. *shivers* how have i missed this writing??? *facepalms* i suck.

but back to the poem.. there is something so delicate in this, it feels almost classical.. but Eastern classical if that makes sense. it reminded me of reading Rumi or other such translated poems. slippery elegant phrasing, with such sensuous images.. just.. aces. you have a deft touch with the words, my friend.