inept social schizo

well then, ignore my last email...was sitting at an aquaintances earlier tonight with two of her friends i'd never met before and thinking how i'd heard it all before, the overdramatizing small everyday occurences and everyone laughing at the way things are said instead of what is said, all the same reminiscence and all the same childhoods relived over and over again...all the misplacement of importance, i just can't smile at all the naive sexual innuendo anymore, or pretend there is some secret i have, some infatuation i am hiding away behind a freudian mask or something...i'm bare as a bone if they would just open up..ya know? when the joint went around i knew i had to get out and sing some songs alone..."I need to make some noise!" I declared and walked out of the room,no goodbye, Tesla remarking, "make some noise you're leaving? or make some noise you're going to play guitar for us?" "leaving..." i muttered and no one heard...i hate awkward goodbyes almost as bad as awkward hello's..at least with the goodbye you know all the tension will be released soon, as soon as you hit that fresh air the world is grand...i sat on the floor putting on my sneakers..the paranoia starts to kick in..i believe they are talking about how socially inept i am, they must not know i have left, or they think i am so dense it wont register...i slip out, the door banging shut with my wince, i want to got out the back, through the alley, i can't handle a front door right now, too important, i'm an alley guy...there's a piece of wood between the garage and the fence blocking my exit, i acrobatically postion myself on the fence with my hands and my feet on the garage to boost myself ontop of the makeshift barrier(no doubt to keep the kids from running into the alleyway) and hop over..as soon as my feet hit the concrete the piece of wood falls backward..for some reason i thought it was attached..i put it back up behind me and curse my stupidity, theyre prolly watching me blunder around from a window, laughing hysterically...i piss, then reach for my phone to check the time..s**t..no phone! must have left it in the kitchen..last thing i want to do is go back in there..but i have no choice..i slip into the dark kitchen and feel around on the floor until i find it,,i slink back out, move the peice of wood, and i am in the alley...safe..sort of..the paranoia, its still there..i hear voices..angry loud voices..are they talking about me? plotting to mug me? kill me for a gang initiation? i need a cab! i stand on the corner of Garden st. and 18th and make the call...i give the cross streets to the guy on the other end and he tells me in a not-so-patient tone that they need a numbered address..i scan the houses in a panic and pick a number, "Uhhh, 4307...uhhhh Garden street..." the dick says thankyou then lectures me on people giving cross streets and how the cabbies get lost bla bla bla.." now i know c**t...the cabbie pulls up just as i am sure the various things like lamp posts and garbage cans are actually shadowed drunks wanting to jump someone...the ride home is fast..blinking lights, flashing lights, dark shadows, punget flowers, grasses, and trees...stevie ray vaughn blasting from the speakers and i'm home, into the bowels of the pender street apartments..the DANGER sign on my door, walking down stairs through the pitch black because the bulb burnt out days ago and i'm too lazy...
anyway...it's all good no-matter...tom waits the perfect music to burn out this high..
 

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

Book dude, hard PLOT and then book, because f**k you, you're amazing.
For realz.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I am socially inept too...
That phrase where you say,s**t i forgot my phone in the kitchen now what..it formed a knot in my stomach..bringing me familiar memories :)

[the_ese]

stellar. i love the usage of "c**t" so totally underused these days. word.