last breath

 They got the best of me...
My thoughts are driving me insane
I took too many pills
Instead of cutting my vein

I know I've hurt you
Please don't cry no more
I'm all out of pain
Soon, death will open its door

Hate me for who I was
And everything I couldn't be
I tried for so long
To just...be happy

Don't put me on life support
Don't look at me like you cared
Don't pretend you didn't see this coming
Don't be surprised that I'm no longer here

I'm all out of pain
Death was all I had left
My thoughts were overwhelming
They were the cause of my last breath

Just close your eyes
And drift away
Memories of me
Will slowly fade... 

Author's Note

i think i get all my thoughts when im at school. i have been workin on this one for a couple of weeks now and i just finished it last night while in class! i guess i have alot of shit in my head. hope you like this one.

Reviews

[Collette]

This is definitely a dark read. You have a solid idea, but I thought I'd offer a few little pieces of advice.
(whether or not they are truly useful is for you to decide, I'm not expert! :) )

1. The stanza set up is fine, but the rhyming seems a bit forced. Perhaps you could go back and look for other means of making a rhythm, or maybe you could scrap the rhyme entirely.

2. You have an excellent base for a poem, but some of the lines could use some beefing up. Perhaps using some more metaphores?

Either way, you poured your soul into this poem, and it clearly shows. Thank you for sharing such a hard and passionate piece. Good luck with your writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Anthony J. M. Nelson]

A dark work that begs for understanding. The feeling of complete loss and hopelessness coupled with regret. I hope this is more a work of imagination and less of true thoughts.

[Morgan A Lynch]

it is a good one.. but when i look back and think what it means it makes me sad that you have those thoughts circling around your head. You know i dont like the whole taking your own life crap. so dont do it i beg you b/c you are my sister and you will alsways be rememberd.