Away

 No one is around

 when a cry for help is heard.

 They all dissapear

 and no one knows where.

 

 They leave behind possesions.

 The one's that makes them human.

 Not caring for their going.

 Away from home they know.

 

 They travel many miles

 Searching for the place.

 They take their phone to dial

 Numbers before they're erased.

 

 Away they go,

 home they go

 Home where they now belong.

 

Reviews

[Sarah]

Hm, this is really interesting and kinda creepy in a way. o= I liked it & think it has a lot of potential! :) The only thing that I'd work on is making sure the meter isn't off anywhere - particularly in the second to last stanza, it was a little distracting. But your words and ideas are so unique, I'm impressed. =)

[Trystin S. Bailey]

Since everyone has covered every thing I possibly could, I'll talk about the font. I think its really cool to see how the visual aspect of the text kind of contribute/amplifies the meaning of the text itself, adding that extra bit of forlornness, frail but beautiful.

[Angel]

Its good, i liked it alot as i read it :D. You have alot to say and with time you'll tell your tale.

[Preeti]

Hm. The thing about this poem is that it can be so general; it's easy to read multiple meanings into this. I get a very specific image in my head while reading but that's probably because the vagueness and brevity of this poem allows me to insert my own experience/thoughts/ideas, etc. It was certainly interesting to read, a bit haunting, actually. However, the dark undertone kind of left me in that last stanza when you start talking about home. It kind of makes the whole thing seem happy...in a bizarre way. So if the people left behind their human qualities to go home, are you implying that 'home' is inherently inhuman? Hmmm.

There were several grammar errors that I found:
"Not caring for their going."
It sound be "they're" instead of "their". And a period is not really necessary, since you continue the sentence/thought into the next line.

I also felt that the line " The one's that makes them human." can be rephrased better in order to make more of an impact. As it stands, I feel that the line is definitely one of the most powerful in the poem but it can be improved upon. And by the way, it should be "make" instead of "makes".

Overall, intriguing poem. There's not much of a take-away message but I did like the feeling of curiosity, despair and a sort of fatalistic irony that it left me with.

[Victoria Harlequin]

Nice flow with this one. I really like it, great write.

[Tas]

It is a very nice poem...the flow is great, except for one or two little hits here and there, the font is kinda hard to read, which will mess with the flow on the first read but that can be easily overlooked...it is really true...and i loved the way you expressed it n sorry i didnt review this sooner :(...nice write tho

[Sean M. Addams]

i like the deep meaning in this overall flow nicely and imagery was good nice job...

[Nina]

How pretty. I felt it a whisper in my head.

[Rosauro Brillantes]

wow... that was amazing...
it kinda sent a message to me actually, because i can totally relate to this peom!
GJ!

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mirui,

Wonderful sentiments nicely expressed. I'll e-mail you separately with specific comments.

Nicely done!

Best regards,

Rick