Fire Blade

                              Fire Blade

 My hands felt like they were ablaze, my heart was racing fast, and I was sweating all over my body.

  I continued, my ascent up the mountain, where great riches far untold awaited me. I couldn't let this become a mistake and I could not let the fire blade secret get out or I would be in a uncomfortable precipice.

 I grabbed, an outward rock ledge and used it to heave myself up.

   "This is a good time to celebrate my youth," I scoffed.

 I proceeded with pushing myself up the moutain and as I was grabbing another ledge; my hand was sweating all over that it started to slip. As I desprately tried to regain my balance; I could hear the rocks from below make a crack.

   "I can do it," I assured myself.

 And I could do it. I gripped the most nearest rock and used it to continue my efforts up the mountain. I continued on, for what seemed like hours, climbing up the steep mountain.

  I clutched one more rock ledge and did one final push; to lift myself up onto the peak of the mountain.

  "I did it, I really did it."

  "Or so you think, a voice replied.

  I raised my head and saw a blonde woman, in a blue curvy cocktail dress, She looked like she was forty but yet she looked like a teenager.

  "Who, may I ask are you?"

  "I am Salphiaria," She replied in a ghostly voice.

 As she spoke, there was a faint smell of the ocean in the air, but her mouth moved like a marionette.

  "Well Salphiaria, I've come for the treasu---"

  "You will not get my treasure!" She cut me off.

 I looked behind her and saw a chest and beside it a flaming sword; that smelled like burning rubber.

 I dashed to try and get it, but she kicked me, wich jolted me off the mountain, into the throng of treaure hunters below.

  Poor guys.

 

Reviews

[Trystin S. Bailey]

"This is a good time to celebrate my youth," I scoffed.

-There is all kinds of power lurking in that line. Well done :)

[JayElleBee]

This is interesting. I'm especially curious about this fire blade and why it was so important to protect it. And that poor MC. He/she/it got all the way to the top of the mountain just to be pushed off...

There are a few things you may want to watch out for though:

There are some places where you seem to be a little comma-happy like here "I continued, my ascent up the mountain..." and " I grabbed, an outward rock ledge and used it to heave myself up." You don't need to put a comma after continued and grabbed.

Also, in this sentence - "She looked like she was forty but yet she looked like a teenager" you contradict yourself in your description. I find it a little difficult to envision a teenager who looks forty years old. Perhaps a little extra description is needed?

Other than that, I think this has potential. ^-^ I'll be sure to read more of your writing.