Riptide

You came out of the water. Down from it's deepest depths. Looking for a search light, you found me on the shore. I thought I was throwing you a life line, but you had me snared. You strung me along away from the shallows. I understood your depth and wanted to dive. Submerged in your gentle caress. Drifting further towards your horizon. Then everything went stagnant and I was lost at sea. My anchor was washed away by a riptide.

Reviews

[cloud]

From the first line, you are too literal. I understand it is assumed to be metaphors but naming everything associated with water gives the reader no room for imagination.

You've also overloaded this poem with too many active verbs which overwhelmed me when I read. Each sentence is the same length when you include the commas.

Some revision is needed.

[Jared_Laskowski]

I appreciate your comment but since it's titled "Riptide" then you should assume that it will have mostly ocean imagery. You have to see the forest through the trees. Much love and gratitude!

[RannunculusBlooms]

wow this poem gives me alot of feelings. i love the ocean imagery! i can almost see a moving picture of this poem behind my eyes you feel?

[Jared_Laskowski]

Thank you very much. I'm pleased that the image was easy to visualize.