Conscience

Tell me what you think

Conscience 
 
 
 
Endless loop, repeats over and over again like a broken record, 
repair your life? but no you left it.look at it however you like , yet it remains unchanged.
Accept defeat,use your brain. Frustration and disappointment,listen to me please,
so you can end this torment...  
Do you hear the clock? 
 
Tick Tack.hurry! The end is near, heavy breathing,are you about to faint ?  
Stop doing this to yourself! something has to change! 
the safe zone.....its not yours. to you its unknown 
you wont listen will you ? 
i have been with you every step of the way 
through your ups and down 
yet i stand here today  
the ones you love have lost hope 
yet i kept screaming "don't you stop, just go!" 
why wont you ever listen?, 
its two of us inside, your never alone.You act like my words are strange 
you know who i am, just say my name!

Author's Note

Tell me what you think :)

Reviews

[fiery-san]

Interesting. It's like a frustrated conscience which I think happens to everyone of us even just once in our lives.

It's a nice take on how our consciences react whenever we do something bad or stupid, I found some bits and pieces of grammatical errors like your 'your's... your denotes possession and you're is short for 'you are'

( I sorry for being such a grammar Nazi, I know my grammar isn't that perfect either, but I just have a tendency to get distracted and the mood gets ruined)

So far so good. Keep up the good work.

[jamal]

no i im happy you find the errors so i can correct them , and improve my grammer for every poem i do :) Im here to learn and improve! thank you for the review, your words are always much appreciated.

[fireblossom]

I see the inner voice of conscience trying to guide. Not an easy thing to write and you did it very well.

[jamal]

Thank you for you kinda words :)

[Natasha]

this poem was chaotic to read since the formatting seemed a bit off but i think that's what made it more interesting, it made me read it and have to think about what i was reading if that makes sense

i liked the first paragraph the best

[jamal]

Thank you! Yeah it made it sense, im happy you like it :)

[Erinne S.]

"the ones you love has lost hope" In this line the word 'has' should be 'have'
My only critique :)
Well done with this piece.

~Erinne

[jamal]

hehe funny that you say that! I was thinking that myself but wasnt sure if should change it or not. But thanks again for the review Erinne :)

[}Echo{]

This is really awesome. It had a great ending. I love the dark mood of this... Epicness!

[jamal]

Thank you adriana.. im happy you like the poem :)

[}Echo{]

:)

[Damien Davison]

Wow, this was a really good piece. The ending was perfect!
"its two of us inside, your never alone.You act like my words are strange
you know who i am, just say my name!"
Creepy ha. Great write though man!

[jamal]

thank you Damien. haha yeah creppy indeed! im happy you like it :)