Remade batte scar

after looking at some poems in writerscafe and some rewies. I got some real good ideas how to remake this poem.

The Confliction from inside,is where my true insanity resides,
it divides me into three parts,the enemy of my enemy
Is the friend of my art!

They look at me as an outlaw,before even getting to know me
So how can you brand me as a blackstar!?

I close my eyes and imagine, freedom from all types of pain
Only to find hateful eyes in another person, that screams out my name!
So how would you treat a wounded dog, that's hateful from the pain of his battle scar

He holds death and pain in one bullet,
to take another persons life.
I wish you wouldn't.

Someday I wish that could go through the pain as you did, to truly understand!
You where alone, and bullied in school, yet I saw no helping hand.
And I know I wasn't alone, others stood by and we where watching as you where frozen out in the cold.

It had to end, some of us stood by you and ended up being your friend.
The letters you showed me was work of art,the letters where about mostly death, they were truly dark,
they had a lot of death, but change over time to life.it came as a surprise, when the gloomy kid cracked a smile

Author's Note

i am still new to poetry so please think about that! thanks :)

Reviews

[Damien Davison]

I thought this had a lot of great and exciting moments in it.
It pulled me in right away, simply one could not ignore.
"The Confliction from inside,is where my true insanity resides,
it divides me into three parts,the enemy of my enemy
Is the friend of my art!"
To me it had amazing flow and creativity, great write!

[jamal]

Thank you Damien, your words were much appreciated! :)

[Jem Sagcal]

It's a good job for your first poem. The thought and the idea presents a sad story that ended in such a sweet manner.

This poem can be improved greatly though, and I believe that with a lot of practice, you may become a wonderful poet.

Keep writing!

[jamal]

wow! thanks so much :)

[fiery-san]

The thought in this poem seemed different from your first version, it conveyed a more solid touch and form rather the abstract one from before. I can't compare the two versions because of the difference between the two and how I understood it.

I could actually mistake this for a new poem rather a revision.

Anyways, nice job! You've improved your grammar (btw, 5th stanza, it's were not where, it's really minor though) and I like how you divided the stanza.

Keep learning and improving.^_^

[jamal]

hehe your reviews keep me on my toes :) btw i took some parts out because they made no sense when i try to put it together as a story poem.

Thanks again!