Battle scar

spliting myself into 3 parts, the enemy of my enemy is the friend of my art
that defines me as the everyday black star, how would you treat a wounded dog,
thats hatefull from the reflection of hes battle scar
he holds death and pain in one bullet, to take another persons life, i wish you wouldnt,
still some of us walk unoticed, mangnify our flaws in unnecessary commotion,

some say our letters are dark, like death, to a birth of your art that shines on your cause
an expression that speaks a thousan words that can also sparks a battle and a thousan year old curse,

Author's Note

this my first one! so i look forward the comments

Reviews

[fiery-san]

This is a nice poem. It has a certain degree of reality that makes a person think.

But I think you need to work on a few of your grammatical errors, it breaks the transition of emotion which could spoil the essence of your piece. May I also suggest to cut some of the lines, not cut like delete, I mean cutting one line into two lines because the meaning gets a bit muddled if the line is a bit long...

OVERALL, I like the emotion of the piece, please keep us the good work. ^_^

[jamal]

thank you for the great review! :) i will try to short it down the lines... i will look into yours and other ppls poetry to get tips and tricks to better my work in the future :))

[Sami Khalil]

he holds death and pain in one bullet.
A nice write.

[jamal]

yeah i like that one to :) thx for the review!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.:)

[purplestargirl]

This is good...It properly defines the word 'battle' or 'war' in any case. It tells of how painful they are. I think it also shows a scar's signficance to the person.

[jamal]

hehe thanks for the review :)