There is beauty in breaking down

It’s like once you’ve been hurt the pain doesn’t leave. It’s that sort of pain that you know you will not recover from. Because you know that somewhere, deep down a piece of you is missing. It has been since a very long time actually, but your mind kept filling it up with the idea that you could handle it on your own. That it would all go back to normal and that you haven’t lost it. And then suddenly it hits you, you lost it such a long time ago. You lost a piece of you that you thought would be with you forever. A piece that you thought you couldn’t live without. But here you are, still breathing. Still living on with that pain deep inside of you that will never go away. Even though sometimes you still have to cry yourself to sleep, even though sometimes you just break down, even though sometimes you cannot imagine standing the pain one more minute, you still manage to make it through. You keep trying and eventually you find a way, and maybe you will never be able to forget the pain, to not feel it anymore, but you are able to live with it. People tell you that you’re looking better. They think you are whole again. You know what the worst part is? You actually start to believe it too. Until someone new comes in your life, someone who you think is different. You start talking, like really talking. But its like once you’ve been hurt you’re so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that you cannot trust anyone. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that not everyone is the same, the fear just won’t go away. You build up walls. Walls so high that no one can break them, made of bulletproof metal to protect it from the slightest touch of someone else. The thing is that you cannot expect someone else to break them down for you. You cannot expect to be someone else’s priority if you aren’t your own. You cannot expect someone else to fix you. It is your task to pick up those pieces, and it’s so damn hard to do it. But I promise you, once that wall tumbles down, a flood of peace will fill your lungs, drowning you in love.