The Worst Part Is Searching For The Right Words

This piece will probably only make sense to me, but words are hard, so I put what I think into a piece of writing.

Silence. My worst enemy, and my best friend. 

It swallows me, and it comforts me. Like a sheet of cotton clouds that hold the suns rays, but everything beneath remains dark. Like the lamp shade that tucks in the light, when everything around it needed a light from the start.

To grow is to wonder, and to mature is to discover. One move is all it takes. I flew 6 feet above, and thought, surely, I was going 6 feet under. With my hands extended into the air, the worlds most violent ride beat me until I looked fear himself in the eyes. Glass shards hit my knuckles, and my back is punched by the seat. In the middle of chaos and turmoil, I'm sitting in stillness, remaining tranquil. My ears ringing, my eyes seeing the mess up I had become, and the mess I'd never think of. Not one thought crossed my mind as I lay in this puddle of mayhem. Emptyness. Black.

Crashing down with no cause. No reason at all. An audience of metal and glass clap and screech at the sight of confusion and disorder. Still, this mind, this conscience remains mute. Lips paralyzed, eyes glued to  shaking, unsteady hands. Life could be vaccumed out of this body, this body could be vaccumed into the dirt. One mistake, one wrong move. 

The same music plays, as the same water runs. The sensitivity level is high, and the words to explain are none. The rhythm of a heartbeat has sped into a chugging train, that will stop at nothing until it hits an immovable, indestructible, invinsible wall. No words, just sounds surrounding. 

Suffocating by sounds, and listening without hearing. That's me. Silence has taken over at times, and at times I have taken over silence. Let the light bite the dark, so what's bright can be bright, and what's dark can be lost. Let hell follow close behind, so I can run from what is wrong, and chase what is right. Shame, regret, brokeness. It's all just white noise. What is concealed is what you must seek. A distraction is in front of you, but a breakthrough is hidden. Seek the unseen, so you can find what you need. 

Commotion and disruption will surround you, but only speak when you are prepared to be given an answer. 

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart." - C.S. Lewis