Battles Within Ourselves

I'd like to dedicate this piece to the people who have helped me the most in life. My parents, my grandmother, to my best friend, and to my girlfriend.

Thoughts fill my mind only when I don't want them to. Joyful memories rush to my head, causing me to realize that I have let so many problems drag me down. The chains wrapped around my neck prevent me from seeing clearly. I see the worst in myself, and sometimes I see the worst in others. Beauty covers the entire world, and what I have seen is only comparable to a grain of sand. The Earth's beauty is breath-taking. When I look at myself, I see every little imperfection. Every scar. When I look into the mirror I can't help but to look beneath the surface. I see a person that has messed up countless times, I see mistakes, I see faults, I see hurt. A rope is wrapped around my heart. The heart is beaten, it is bruised, it has suffocated and it has drowned in the waves of anxiety and depression, but it doesn't stop me. Life is a gift God has given me, and I will not take that for granted. Although at times I don't see the beauty in myself, I won't let oppression overturn me. 

Eyes can't really see what your heart can. When I say heart, I mean it figuratively and not literally. Everybody has that light God puts upon them. Every individual person has a light that sets them apart from others. Sometimes you can't see it in others, but it is there. I promise you, God shines a different light on everyone. Something I struggle with, myself, is knowing God made me in his image. See, when I look at myself, I don't see what you see currently, I see what I have been. I see what I have done, and what I am doing now. God's image is so perfect, and I just can't wrap my mind around that concept. I am perfectly created through the hands of a God that loves me. I am created by a God who is so gentle, delicate, and loving towards every single one of his creatures. I don't want anyone to think I'm perfect, because I am far, far from it. 

Everyone knows the signature mother saying, "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed". The butterflies in your stomach seem to drop dead, and sickness pours over your body. You know your mothers trust was concealed in you, and you let her down. The image of the knife in your mothers back can't seem to be abolished from your imagination. Every choice you make is a choice you want your mother to be proud of, and when that doesn't happen you seem to sink. You seem to fall into the abyss of dismay. It seems to never end, but eventually you are better, so you return to where you were. On top. 

Dreams... My dreams. These are the kind of dreams when you're falling into a deep black hole but never hit the ground. These dreams are awkwardly gratifying to me. My head jumps off of my pillows, and my blankets hop off of my chest. I stare out into the darkness. I remember how the dream felt, but nothing is processing as I sit half naked in my bed. My head eventually falls back onto my pillow. The side of my face is pressed against the warmth of the imprint of where I once laid. See, this is what I believe. In the dream, I'm not falling. I'm not even floating. In the dream, I am flying. The enemy is after us. Flying from point A to point B will keep us alive long enough for us to be awoken "right before we hit the ground" 

 

We only hit the ground if we let ourselves. When we have days we can't deal with we could fight, fly, or we could fight to fly. We can fight to keep going, so we don't hit the ground. Rock bottom may seem close, but objects in dreams are closer than they appear. Battles that we can not surrender are wars that we fight in ourselves. Although it is strictly our own battle we shouldn't be forced to fight them alone, and we're not. With God by my side, I will end these battles. I will see the light, and I will taste the blood of my ego. 

James 1:12 states "Happy is the man who doesn't give in and do wrong when he is tempted, for afterwards he will get his reward, the crown of life that God has promised those who love him." Now, in the scripture, the reward is Heaven. If we resist temptation we will get to the pearly white gates. Everything we do determines whether we inherit eternal life, or if we deserve a life in Hell. Society is always tempting us to make the wrong decisions, and it's really easy to listen to society. It's really easy to follow in societies path that they had already cleared out for you. The shrubs, and trees had been cut down. It's a perfect path to see what is on the outside. It takes a strong soul to stray the path that had been cut open wide, and see what's on the inside of the forest. It takes an even stronger soul to bust down the walls society has built in order to keep us from doing what makes up happy. 

Our eyes prevent us from seeing the full potential that others have. They might struggle with things that we don't have to struggle with, and because of that, they are judged. I know it's a lot more difficult than it sounds, but we should not judge others because they sin differently than us. Yes, I am guilty of this. I see others doing un-Godly things that I, personally, wouldn't do. I have to remind myself that I am lost and that I am broken. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am only a message in a bottle. I'm floating alone. Someone has been out there waiting to read me, to save me, understand me, and to cherish me. I've always thought of myself as an outcast, and I'm totally okay with it. I understand that sometimes outcasts are hard to understand, and even harder to love. I believe that the people that are in my life now, are the people God  intends to influence me, and make me a better person.

I'm not going to fall. I will not fall. I will stray the path that society has cleared for me. I will cherish every moment I have with the people I love most. God has blessed me with so much more than I deserve, and because of that, my eyes are opened to see myself and others more positively. I will NOT take the gifts in my life for granted. Negativity is shoved down my throat everyday in life, and I will spew every bit of it out of my body. God has kept me alive, and He has lived in me. I will love how he loves, and I will  see what he sees. Life has given me lemons. I can either take it all in at once and taste the sour and bitterness that it tastes like alone, or I can process it, and add ingredients of my own to make it sweet and fulfilling. I will fight to fly, and I won't hit the ground.