Keep Trying, Keep Climbing

You are not alone in your struggles. We all feel broken down, and we all feel like we need to stop trying. Never give up.

Keep Trying, Keep Climbing

Sometimes I think I try too hard, and sometimes I want to stop trying. The right decision isn't always the easiest. I believe some of life's most important decisions are usually the hardest to make. I've always been taught that I can't ever give up. I'm not going to, but I'm also not going to keep letting my guard down either. My whole life I have let the people I love walk all over me, I still struggle to see the hassle in it. Life can get messy. One day you'll wonder if you can ever feel again, and the next day you're drowning in your own emotions. The heart is a fragile muscle, but it can also be the strongest. I believe that's how humans are. We're scratched up, and we have some scars and scabs. Bruises and cuts cover our arms and legs from failing to climb the tree of life, because all we want to do is make it to the top. We have been broken down and fixed back up, but we keep going. We still continue to enjoy life. 

I don't think I see love in the right dimension, I don't think anyone does or ever will. I wonder if it is even possible to see love in a greater dimension? I know God created us to love, and that's what I intend to do, but can we love flawlessly? I have faults in every aspect of my life. My faults and I are hard to love. I know this because sometimes it's hard enough to love myself. Maybe my faults conceal my smile. At times I wonder "Is every flaw that I have written on my forehead?" Or are they even noticeable? Sometimes people repel from our faults, but we know we are with the right people when our faults don't matter. Every insecurity we have is only a state of mind. It shows what makes a weak. We can't be weak.

I have these days... Days when I drop a pen and I just want to cry out so someone notices my unhappiness. Something as minor as my shoe coming untied makes me want to lay in the fetal position and divulge every tear I have built up inside. Everyday they're slowly destroying the dam I have built to keep them from coming. I feel like I'm drowning and everyone around me is watching. I refuse to believe that these days happen for no reason. These days are nothing more than a detour. I wake up everyday and I have the choice on which road I want to take. It's my choice, and only I can control how I will cope with the struggles of everyday life. It can beat me down or build me up. I just want to feel more than self-pity. I try, I really do.

I have this mentality that if the world knocks me down, I'll brush the dirt off of my shoulders and expect to get knocked down again. Society has made it okay to kick people when they're down, and made it okay to destroy others with words, killing not only them, but every feeling of joy they have hiding inside. Being abused creates a broken feeling inside, and it's a feeling that most can relate to.  Many are broken but no two people feel the same brokenness. You can't explain brokenness any other way than this, you feel empty. Something is missing. Sometimes you know what you need but you can't get it. Sometimes you don't even know what you need, and that's the worst kind of brokenness. There's this hole in your heart, and you can't even find it, or maybe you just don't even look? Maybe it's not worth finding because you don't think it's repairable. I'm guilty of this. When I'm hurt, I sink into it and smother myself. 

I try so hard to make the broken happy, so I often lose my own happiness. When I go out I have a thousand smiles in one hand, and my heart in the other. Every time I give a broken soul my smile, I squeeze my heart a little tighter.The increase in pressure begins to crush it, eventually the pressure is too much to handle and it breaks. Making others happy isn't the simplest task, I know, but when you succeed in doing so, it enlightens the whole day. Making others smile can often cost you your own, but making someone else's day better encourages me to keep going. It always keeps me going. Happiness is something that has been here, and will be here, always. Society says that people can be too happy. They see people with a smile on their face, their backs straight, and their chin in the air and think "They are full of themselves."  Happiness may be the only thing some people have, you might as well just take their life if you take away their happiness. 

I find myself staring blankly at my TV screen often. I look right through my television like it's a night sky, lacking the stars. A never ending darkness that will inhale every thought that runs through my mind. If anyone were to jump into this head they would realize every time I smile a negative thought is still lingering, just wandering in the back of my mind. It's only that one flame left, but this time the wind won't put it out.  Forcing the flame out will create struggle. The memories that linger will only make us stronger in the end. If you just don't try it leaves the pain isolated at times, but trying can cause a battle in ones own mind. People who battle their own minds are the strongest people. Your worst enemy can often be your own ego. Your worst enemy can often be your own thoughts. Your worst enemy can often be you.

People cry themselves to sleep, and can't seem to understand why they are meant to be here. After some time you have to let God help them, and you have to back off. It's hard for me, personally, to watch others struggle. I want to wave a flier in their face, telling them the love of God surrounds them. You can't always reach the people who hurt the most. Sometimes I think the people who try to help are the people who have recoiled from the brokenness they had once drowned in. They spew the poisonous water they have swallowed and realize that their actions were only hurting themselves.  We are judged by what we do at every particular moment. Everything we do is a judge of character. 

Sometimes I think I try too hard, and sometimes I want to stop trying, but I won't give up. I'll never give up. Some decisions seem to make life a personal Hell. A Hell that makes you want to just give up and not even attempt to get out of the hole you've dug for yourself. You cannot stop trying. The cuts and bruises will heal, and that's when you climb the tree again. The only way you can fail is if you quit, and the only way you'll succeed is if you keep trying.

"You never fail until you stop trying." -Albert Einstein